A1 in the a.m.

Dunkin' Donuts has steak!

I have been waiting to hear those words since the day I was born, and I can't believe that the moment is finally here. All of those mornings that I would buy my coffee at Dunkin' Donuts and ask the cashier, "Do you have any steak to go with this"� and the cashier would say, "No," have NOT been for naught!

I feel like Andy Dufrene during "Shawshank Redemption" when he kept sending out letters so he could build a library, and then finally, years later, someone sent him some books and told him to leave them alone. Only Andy kept sending MORE letters. I am just like that, except that I'm not in prison, and I wanted steak instead of books, and I didn't want to build a library of steaks, I just wanted to eat them. For breakfast. And just like Andy Dufrene, I'm not going to stop here.
Dunkin' Donuts became popular for its coffee. And some may say, even for its donuts. But when someone like me came along, and demanded steak, my voice was heard. In the past, to get a good steak, one would have to go out at night, to a place like "Ruth's Chris," or "(Insert Former Athlete's Name Here)'s Steakhouse." Now, people can get a good steak when they want it - right after they wake up. And you no longer have to deal with all of the crap that usually comes with your steak, like a baked potato or even vegetables. People can now eat their steak the way God intended it to be eaten - on an everything bagel with eggs and ketchup. No fork and knife required.

And the world has me to thank. And like I said, I'm not stopping here. Who knows what else I can demand for breakfast that Dunkin' Donuts will be forced to adhere to? Lobster maybe? Caviar? Muffins dipped in alfredo sauce? I'm bubbling with excitement! But for now, I think I'll just savor this moment, like when Andy Dufrene enjoys his cold beer on the rooftop during "Shawshank Redemption." Yummy. This steak could use some cream cheese.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Wow, I can't wait to try it! I just can't decide if I want the glazed or chocolate frosted porterhouse.
Lisa said…
Every time I read one of your stories I laugh out loud. Too funny!
Anonymous said…
Is it better than a Smith and Wollensky steak?
Sean said…
Andy Dufrene didn't drink a beer on the roof. Do your research, paperboy!

You're still the funniest man alive,

Sean