So, Do You Like ... Stuff?

I DID IT I FOUND THE BEST TEASER LINK CONSUMERS’ INSATIABLE APPETITE FOR PHIL COLLINS CONTENT MANIFESTS ITSELF YET AGAIN IF MY REPUTABLE AND COMMENDABLE HISTORY OF RESEARCHING TEASER LINKS DIDN’T INFORM ME THAT THE “YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE NOW” IS IMPLIED, I WOULD BE CALLING THE POLICE ON THIS AD “PROBABLY?” TAKE A STAND DAMMIT I EXPECTED MORE FROM LOCKSMITH OF HEARTS PHIL SEEMS AS SURPRISED AS THE REST OF US THAT HE CREATED CIVILIZATION'S MOST PRETTY WOMAN IT'S GRAMMATICALLY CHIC NOW TO ADD AN APOSTROPHE+S TO SHOW POSSESSIVE FOR A NAME ENDING IN "S," ALTHOUGH CONSIDERING "MOST PRETTY" AND THE MULTIPLE MISSING WORDS, I DOUBT THAT WAS INTENTIONAL THAT SAID, THE PERIOD IS MY FAVORITE PART MY OTHER FAVORITE PART IS EVERYTHING CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE INVOLVED HERE

PEST JOKE OF THE WEEK THANK YOU BILL YOU DON'T OWN A PEST CONTROL BUSINESS DO YOU EITHER WAY THIS IS GOOD AND RELATABLE CONTENT GRAMMAR JOKE OF THE WEEK WHY ARE "A'S" AND "BEE'S" POSSESSIVE BECAUSE BILL IS A WEIRDO #GRAMMARJOKEOFTHEWEEK (PLEASE BUY MY GRAMMAR SOFTWARE, LINKED IN THE COMMENTS) WHAT ARE HEAT INDICES "I DON'T KNOW WHAT WEATHER IS OR HOW TO REACT TO IT SO THANK GOODNESS FOR THE GARAGE SALE SITE NEXTDOOR.COM" - A PERSON? THANK YOU PUBLIC INFORMATION OFFICER LAURA FOR PUBLIC INFORMATION THAT IS FILLED WITH ERRORS AND ALSO MISLEADING AND THANK YOU LUANNE FOR CALLING OUT THIS PSA WITH A BROKEN ATTACHMENT ALL OF THIS IS GOOD AND WORTH EVERYONE'S TIME I COME TO NEXTDOOR FOR TWO REASONS, TO BUY ADULT DIAPERS AND TO FIGHT CRIME, AND RIGHT NOW I'M GOOD ON ADULT DIAPERS THANK YOU JOE, YOU REALLY GOT 'EM (*THE* JAIL) WHAT I MEAN YES I'M SURE THESE CREDIT CARD TH...

I found some very helpful rules for life on Facebook recently in the form of a meme video that has snowflakes falling for some reason and which features a sketch drawing of your everyday white man-- let's call him Steve-- who clearly endorses and lives by these rules. Let's check them out, shall we? Solid advice. This first rule really sets the tone that these rules for life will be angry and bitter and not at all helpful in any discernible way. (Shout out to Beautifulquotes.co for all of the beauty you are about to read. You should totally check out the site  which is, uh ... something.) You better come out of the womb MEETING QUOTAS or no one will affirm your good temperament and smooth skin. BACK IN MY DAY I didn't feel good about myself until NEVER as evidenced by the fact that I am 64 and still feel the need to elevate myself above subsequent generations based on sweeping, false generalizations. CAR PHONE lol. I have so many questions about this rule...

We purchased a snorkel for our daughter to use in the pool (for her upcoming birthday, so SHHHHH!). Here are the instructions that my wife discovered in the packaging (MUCH to her delight): “Yes hello, snorkel customer service? Yeah, I just had a couple questions about the sn-” “It will be a little fog.” “OK uh, that wasn’t really why I was calling, but yes, the fogging is kinda heavy.” “Are you wearing the mask properly?” “It goes on your butt, right? J/k, but I mean, your previous statement suggested that the fog is an issue with the mask, not a user error.” “What is the temperature of the water? Is it at least 18 kilopascals?” “What” “Are you a competent swimmer?” “Well, I figured I'd learn how to snorkel first , then swim.” “Doesn't matter. Don’t snorkel alone, always have a companion.” “It’s funny you say that, because my wife and I have a framed photo above our bed with that exact quote.” “Are you trying to snorkel ...

/TO THE TUNE OF "WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GONE" / WHERE HAVE ALL THE HUMMINGBIRDS GONE FOLKS: THEY MAY BE NESTING ACTUALLY THEY ARE NOT NESTING THEY ARE AT TOMMY'S HOUSE HELEN HAS SPOTTED A HUMMINGBIRD AS WELL ALTHOUGH THIS PARTICULAR SIGHTING FEELS LIKE A SETUP FOR A CLASSIC MILKWEED BRAG I DON'T TRUST IT PRAYING HANDS EMOJI HUMMINGBIRDS ARE TOTAL DIVAS ENJOYING THE IDEA THAT HUMMINGBIRDS DON'T LIKE ORGANIC SUGAR BUT ACTUALLY PREFER SOMETHING MORE PROCESSED "MY RESEARCH INDICATES THAT THE DEER DO NOT IN FACT ENJOY THE LEAVES BUT ACTUALLY PREFER THE MOZZARELLA STICKS FROM APPLEBEE'S" - BECKY I HAVE GREATLY UNDERESTIMATED THE PASSION OF THE HUMMINGBIRD-ENTHUSIAST COMMUNITY MAYBE THEY LEAVE FOR A WEEK BECAUSE THEY ARE HUMMINGBIRDS? AH WHO KNOWS /IN STRONG BRITISH ACCENT/ LADY HUMMINGBIRD DEMANDS FRESH NECTAR, CHOP CHOP, OFF YOU GO "TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: "I HAVE R...

GREAT QUESTION JIMMY IF YOUR SUBJECT TITLE AND DESCRIPTION WERE A SUSPENSEFUL DRAMA I WOULD SAY IT'S REMINISCENT OF MOMENTO TOO BAD NETFLIX DOESN'T GIVE SUGGESTIONS OR EVEN CATEGORIZE THEIR OFFERINGS :( THANKFULLY THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT THE SITE NEXTDOOR WAS MADE FOR WHAT DO YOU SAY NEIGHBORS HMMM SOUNDS GREAT HOW DO I STREAM THIS CRAPPY MOVIE IMAGINE GETTING YOUR MOVIE SUGGESTIONS FROM THE COMMENTS ON NEXTDOOR AND THEN PURSUING THE ONES THAT WERE POORLY REVIEWED THIS IS GOING TO NEED A SEPARATE THREAD LET'S MOVE ON THANK YOU BILL YOU ARE DOING THE LORD'S WORK HERE WHAT IS NEXTDOOR EVEN FOR IF NOT TO PROACTIVELY WARN NEIGHBORS ABOUT BED BUGS I MEAN IT *IS* BEAUTIFUL IF I HAD A FOURTH PHOTO I MIGHT BE ABLE TO MAKE A DECISION LET  ME SLEEP ON IT, AFAF WHERE IS KAYLA NO TIME TO CALL E-NAILS- BETTER GET ON NEXTDOOR ASAP IS IT POSSIBLE KAYLA CONTRACTED BED BUGS CAN'T SAY SHE WASN'T WARNED ...

ONE THING ON MY MIND TODAY: WHAT'S POPPIN' WITH BIG BANG THEORY OH WORD CAN'T BELIEVE SHE REALLY EXISTS! AND MORE LIKE "BIG BANGS FANS" BECAUSE SHE IS STRAIGHT ROCKING THEM IRL, YOU GO GIRL I WONDER! ALL OF THEM! OK SURE I GUESS OH NO DISCOVERING THESE PLOT HOLES HAVE MADE THIS DUMB SITCOM LESS BELIEVABLE DON'T PATRONIZE ME OK THAT'S ENOUGH, THANK YOU LET US TURN OUR ATTENTION TO RED LOBSTER, HAVEN'T HEARD FROM THEM IN A HOT MINUTE ARE YOU ASKING ME I DON'T KNOW! "TOP STORIES" TOP RICHEST STARS WHO ARE RICH WHAT ABOUT "TOP SUPER-RICH 70s STARS WHO ARE ALSO RICH, STILL" "RICHEST TOP 70s STARS-- STILL RICH? YOU BETCHA. HERE ARE THE TOP ONES" "TOP RICHEST SUPER-RICH 70s STARS NAMED RICH, OR NOT, DOESN'T MATTER" "REMEMBER THE 70s? BET YOU THOUGHT THE TOP RICHEST STARS FROM THAT TIME PERIOD WERE NOW BROKE OR DEAD. WELL ...