So, Do You Like ... Stuff?

"DEAR CENTAUR GOPAL, THE GARBAGE DUMP SMELLS TOO BAD AND MADE ME BARF TWICE. I KNOW YOU ARE AWARE OF THE PROBLEM BUT NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT MY THROW UP. PLEASE FIX ASAP. THANKS, B-MAGGS" THERE ARE 47 COMMENTS HERE BUT WE'RE GOING TO FOCUS MOSTLY ON BARBARA'S BECAUSE THEY ARE GOOD OKAY SO THIS ONE'S NOT SO GOOD "SO FIRST YOU MADE ME DRIVE AROUND THE DUMP WITH THIS WOMAN AT 4 IN THE MORNING AND THEN YOU GAVE HER MY CELL PHONE NUMBER, WTF?" - TINTON FALLS ENGINEER YEAH MAYBE LET'S NOT COMPARE THIS TO THE HOLOCAUST SEEMS TO BE A LEGITIMATE ISSUE AND I APPLAUD THE EFFORT BUT MAYBE WE DON'T WANT BARBARA IN CHARGE OF THIS FIGHT "IT WAS A FAX" NEVERTHELESS AMY KEPT CALLING THE FAX NUMBER AFTER HOURS AMAZING THAT "THE PEOPLE OF TINTON FALLS" HAVE NOT RESOLVED THIS ISSUE "DEAR LAWYERS, PLEASE USE THE ATTACHED FORM I COMPLETED FOR TRIAL IN SUPREME COURT, PLEASE IGNORE THE SHADOWS, I P...

SIGN NO. 1: YOU HAVE ENORMOUS BREASTS I'M NOT A SOLDIER BUT THIS PHOTO CAPTURES ARMY LIFE BETTER THAN ANYTHING I'VE EVER READ OR WATCHED DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW IF THEY SERVED IN THE ARMY AND THEY'RE CONSULTING THIS LIST TO FIND OUT IF SO THOSE ARE PROLLY NOT THE PEOPLE WE WANT IN THE ARMY NOT SURE IF THIS IS A FUN LISTICLE OR IF IT'S SAYING THESE SIGNS OF SERVING IN THE ARMY ARE EXPLICIT AND YOU SHOULD BE 18 YEARS OR OLDER TO CLICK JUDGING BY THE PHOTO SEEMS LIKE THE LATTER LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S READY FOR THE ARMY "YOU MAY LIKE" *MAY* AS IF COMPETING "JENNIFER ANISTON LEAVING LITTLE TO THE IMAGINATION" ARTICLES ARE NOT THE ONLY REASON I LOG ON EVERY DAY AH THIS HELPFUL SCIENCE DIAGRAM EXPLAINS IT IN LAYMAN'S TERMS WHO NEEDS ARMS AND A PENIS WHEN YOU HAVE SIX-PACK ABS I WONDER IF IT'S OVALTINE HEALTH MD ... SOUNDS LEGIT GONNA CREATE A SITE CALLED "LAWYER, ESQ" WITH ARTICLES LIKE "TRY THIS ...

COO BUT WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT THE DECISION IN THE HEADLIN THAT'S CALLED BURYING THE LED FINALLY YOU CAN FIND ME AT THE PIE SHOP EATIN' MAD PIES SON WHATCHU THINK THIS IS IHOP NAH FAM, LET'S GET OUR PIE ON FROM THE TRACK "YOU CAN FIND ME AT THE PIE SHOP" A PIE SHOP IS A THING PFFT IT'S SO EASY TO BAFFLE CHIROPRACTORS IN THEIR DEFENSE HOWEVER I AM *ALSO* BAFFLED AS TO WHY THEY GAVE STRETCHING LADY THOSE STRETCH ARMSTRONG-ASS ARMS WHATEVER, I SUPPOSE THE POINT IS THAT SHE FINALLY FOUND THE SIMPLE STRETCH TO SOLVE ALL THE BACK PAIN SO THAT'S OVER SUCKS FOR CHIROPRACTORS BUT HEY AT LEAST THEY STILL HAVE NECKS I MEAN C'MON CHIROPRACTORS : [ STUNNED ] FOILED BY NECKRELAX.COM AGAIN, OUR CAREERS ARE WORTHLESS THAT DEVICE LOOKS GOOD AND SAFE AND EASY TO USE AND LIKE IT DOESN'T HURT AT ALL AND I'M 90 PERCENT SURE THAT WOMAN IS ALIVE IMAGINE A CHIROPRACTOR WAS IN THE AUDIENCE TALK ABOUT A BAD ...

WILD HORSES COULDN'T STOP ME FROM TYPING "YES" "THIS PICTURE OF A COWBOY IN AN OVERCOAT WALKING BETWEEN A HORSE AND A SMALLER COWBOY HAS REMINDED ME THAT NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE GOING TO CHURCH THESE DAYS" MAKES SENSE NOT TO BE A HORSE'S ASS BUT: *FEWER* BELIEVERS ALSO: COMMAS CANNOT BE ELLIPSES ALSO: WHAT ELIZABETH WRIGHT IS THE FIRST KNOWN "PERSON" TO HAVE HER FAITH IN HUMANITY RESTORED AFTER READING FACEBOOK COMMENTS ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING THINGS ABOUT OLDER FOLKS IS HOW THEY'RE ABLE TO ACCIDENTALLY ACHIEVE THE IMPOSSIBLE WHEN FUMBLING THEIR WAY THROUGH TECHNOLOGY, SUCH AS MANAGING TO INSERT A COMMA BELOW A "K" ON A FACEBOOK COMMENT YOU COULD GIVE ME A MONTH TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO THAT AND I WOULD FAIL OTHER THAN THAT THOUGH THIS COMMENT IS PERFECT AND USES PREPOSITIONS WELL AND IS NOT MISSING ANY WORDS AND IS NOT SEEMINGLY TARGETED AT NO ONE IN PARTICULAR AND HAS STRICTLY ADHERED TO THE INSTRUCTION...

DJ ELECTRA IS BACK ON LAND FOLKS "A PROFESSIONAL DJ *AND* MOTIVATOR" WHERE DOES SHE FIND THE TIME PROSPECTIVE EMPLOYER : IT SAYS HERE YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL DJ *AND* MOTIVATOR, CARE TO ELABORATE? DJ ELECTRA : I KNOW IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY OF INTERVIEWS AND YOU'D RATHER BE HOME, BUT WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO NOW IS RAISE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR, AND WAVE 'EM LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE PROSPECTIVE EMPLOYER : (HANDS UP) WOW YOU'RE GOOD DJ ELECTRA LIVES IN WALL, HOPE THIS IS HELPFUL AS THERE IS NO OTHER CONTACT INFORMATION PLEASE LOOK UP DJ ELECTRA IN THE YELLOW PAGES UNDER "SERVICE > REASONABLE DJS" OR "MOTIVATORS" SHE IS LISTED UNDER "DJ ELECTRA!!!" THREE EXCLAMATION POINTS ANYTHING FEWER THAN THREE EXCLAMATION POINTS IS THE WRONG DJ ELECTRA; ANYTHING MORE IS ABSURD GOOD LUCK LOOKS LIKE SUSAN REMEMBERED TO ADD DJ ELECTRA'S CONTACT INFO BUT I ENJOY THIS POST MUCH MORE ON ITS OWN AND OUT OF CONTEXT ...

If you’ve read The Man in the Garlic Tuxedo   (and if you haven't, WHY NOT?), you know that my father-in-law has one of the more fascinating if infrequently utilized Twitter feeds in the Twitterverse. It’s so underutilized, in fact, that it sometimes opens itself up to hacking, which only adds to the overall quality: Rayban 80th Anniversary Sale,All Made in a Legitimate Factory,Come With New Box And Certificates!>> rbusnu,com — Tony Ursino (@bklynrlty) January 1, 2017 Classic. But I had noticed some curious action recently from my father-in-law on Twitter that included him congratulating, in separate cases, the Colts Neck Police Department and Bill Gates, which, sure, I guess. But I’ve never known him to be passionate about either of those things, so I wondered whether he’d been hacked again, and I explored this possibility by examining his Twitter timeline.  The jury's still out, mainly because it's nearly impossible to differentiate an actual tweet ...

I REALIZE THERE'S A LOT GOING ON IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW BUT I GOTTA ASK WELL "U MAKE SOUND MEATLOAF IS PREHISTORIC" IS THE MEATLOAF OF COMMENTS I MEAN DAMN PAT INGLES- COMMENTS AREN'T LIKE A MEATLOAF RECIPE WHERE YOU CAN JUST THROW A BUNCH OF WORDS IN THERE, MIX IT ALL AROUND AND HOPE IT WORKS OUT IF YOU SHOWED ME THIS MEME AND TOLD ME SOMEONE NAMED DICK DODSON COMMENTED ON IT BUT I HAD TO GUESS THE COMMENT, THIS WOULD BE MY EXACT GUESS, VERBATIM THANK YOU FOR YOUR SACRIFICE DAMN GIRL OK WE GET IT IMAGINING THIS IS THE "SEACREST, OUT" OF SOUTHERN WOMEN AND MARILYN ENDS EVERY CONVERSATION WITH AN EMPHATIC "PIQUANT SAUCE" OH FOR REAL suspect is 5' 5", brown hair, and very glamorous, claims to have been "cooking meatloaf" when crime occurred a week or so ago, any information contact 1-800-CRIME-LOAF YOU CAN'T GET IN THE MEATLOAF? HOW IRONIC. ALSO THIS RESTAUR...