Thursday, July 13, 2017

Spam email of the week



  • First of all, who told you about my Pokemon Go addiction? Was it troy? Because I've said this to numerous unsolicited spambots: HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED. Except, I suppose, in this specific case, as he is absolutely correct that I am totes into Pokemon Go.
  • Second of all, nobody calls me Michael. Except those in the Pokemon Go community of which I am a prominent, willing, and active member. So again, this holds up.
  • I love cheating as much as the next Michael, but UNLIMITED Pokecoins is a treasure trove that I simply cannot trust myself to handle appropriately. The last thing I want is to become a part of one of those stories you frequently see on E! where a regular Joe wins the lottery of Pokecoins, buys an above-ground pool and a lifetime supply of Marlboro Reds, starts a record label for his cousins, and ultimately combusts in a blaze of fake financial failure. Back in the day, I became unhealthily obsessed with gathering extra lives in Super Mario Bros., I flew too close to the sun, and ironically it ended up killing me (metaphorically, but literally for Luigi, RIP). Lest history repeat itself, I must decline this invitation to cheat (wink wink).
  • Are you even serious?
  • Hold up, I just saw that you mentioned in all caps that you are serious. 
  • Why do I need good luck for logging onto a website? Is it dangerous? Only one way to find out I guess.
  • Might I one day attain a level of professional achievement that I can confidently sign off "Cheat Code Enthusiast" on my emails. I envy that extraordinary level of sorry/not sorry.
  • In conclusion, and to reiterate my earlier stance that this offer to cheat offends me, I will definitely NOT meet you behind the Dollar General on Rt. 9 to obtain the unlimited Pokecoins.

1 comment:

troy said...

Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon ... you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time.

I mean, no, of course I didn't tell him about it. SERIOUSLY!