Thursday, March 11, 2010

Classic card of the week


Bill Bene, 1989 Topps

Seen here is #1 Draft Pick Bill Bene, who is too sexy for this hat. There's no way he's disco dancing! It's difficult to say how this #1 Draft Pick worked out for the Dodgers, because my Internet is down and thus I cannot find the data to back up the obvious fact that it did not work out for the Dodgers. Not to say that Bene himself was not a success, as overall performance is vastly inferior to dashing good looks in a city like Los Angeles.

But where does Bill Bene's story begin? At birth? No. In high school:




Primarily a basketball player in high school, Bill was originally an outfielder.


Let's ignore the fact that this statement makes it sound as though an outfielder is a position on the basketball court. There are more pressing issues here, namely: what does it mean to be "primarily" a basketball player in high school? For Bene, was basketball business and baseball mere pleasure? Were his dreams of making it to the NBA and being an awkward, mustachioed honkey dashed when he was drafted to be, against all odds -- not counting his experience playing baseball -- a baseball player?

Bene himself would later admit that becoming a big league pitcher was a long shot considering the hierarchy of his high school identity was:

1) Basketball player
2) Playa (in a chicks sense, not sports)
3) Loyal friend
4) Student
5) Pedestrian (he walked to school)
6) Outfielder
7) Pitcher???

So how did we get here?

He was recommended to Cal. State-Los Angeles by Bill Moffitt, father of former tennis star Billy Jean Moffitt King and former big leaguer Randy Moffitt

Bill Moffitt
: Hello, is this Cal. State-Los Angeles?

Cal. State-Los Angeles
: Yes.

BM: This is Bill Moffitt, father of former tennis star Billy Jean Moffitt King and former big leaguer Randy Moffitt. I got a recommendation for ya'.

CSLA: What does that mean?

BM: His name is Bill Bene, and he's got a great head of hair and a fastball that'll knock yer socks off. He's got the confidence and juno se qua of my daughter, Billy Jean Moffitt King, and almost as good of an arm as my son, Randy Moffitt. I say almost because because that's my son we're talking about here. Between you and me, Billy's arm is better. But you didn't hear that from me, got it?! So whaddya say we give this kid a full scholarship?

CSLA: This is the Science Department.

Did you know?

Bill Bene was an original member of Color Me Badd but was booted from the group for missing an important rehearsal due to his baseball obligations. As a result, Bene started his own group, Color Me Dodger Blue, and released the single "I Wanna Strike You Out," which was deemed too raunchy for radio.

3 comments:

SpastikMooss said...

Classic as always, love it!

Bene never made it to the show, with a lifetime 18-34 record, 5.45 era, 1.90 whip and 9.5 BB/9. Should've stuck with playin'.

Bill said...

I heard Bill Bene also co-wrote "Moneyball" with a computer who hates baseball.

mkenny59 said...

Spastik, I'm amazed that that 1.90 WHIP didn't lead to greater things. I'm also amazed that Bene's name doesn't come up more in the category of regrettable first round picks. That was a huge miss right there.

Bill, I haven't read that book, but I disagree with it, and I'll be surprised if any other GM in baseball ever wants to deal with Bene and his computer friend ever again. Because of their arrogance and hatred of baseball.