Classic card of the week

Scott Haskin, 1993-94 Upper Deck

Here is a picture of Indiana Pacers’ forward Scott Haskin about to throw down, or better yet, it's a picture of Scott Haskin grabbing a rebound. In warmups, I presume, as no other player is in sight. Can you feel the excitement of the aerial view? I cannot tell if he’s on the ground or two inches in the air! Man, I am bored. Let’s turn this baby over.

Photographer: Okay Scott. We nailed the picture for the front of your card yesterday. Remember that? Yesterday? When I sat on top of the backboard like Bell Biv Devoe and took that ridonkulous shot of you jumping with the ball or whatever you were doing?

Scott Haskin
: Yes.

Photographer: Well Scottie my man, all I’m saying is…just wait. Just wait. Today we’re doing the back picture. So put your uniform on, grab your comb and a basketball, and meet me outside near the bike rack. We’re going down to the business district.

Scott Haskin: Okay, cool. Why, are there basketball courts there or something?

Photographer: What? Pffft. No. Well, I mean, yeah…probably. But that’s not where we’re going…

Fifteen minutes later

Photographer: Alright Scott, stand over there near that Orange Julius stand.

Scott Haskin: I am embarrassed. What are we doing here? It’s noon, and everyone who works at City Hall is on lunch, and I’m walking around in full uniform and carrying a basketball but nobody knows who I am. Everybody is staring. What is the theme of this photo shoot anyway?

Photographer: Scottie, Scottie, listen. The theme is YOU. And Indiana. You and Indiana. Know why?

Scott Haskin: Why?

Photographer: Because you ARE Indiana, Scott! That’s why. You and this city are one, and--

Scott Haskin: Isn't Indiana a state?

Photographer: Yeah, well, you know what I'm talking about. Indianasville here, or wherever we are.

Scott Haskin: Indianapolis?

Photographer: Yeah Scott, whatever. Anyway, no one is as comfortable as you in these surroundings. That’s why on a pleasant day like today you’ll leave practice during intermission and head down to the business district. You’ll meet your wife for a milkshake, you-

Scott Haskin: I’m not married…

Photographer: LISTEN TO ME! You’ll meet your wife for a milkshake, because she works at the local insurance company. You’ll see Senator Johnson walk by and you’ll playfully jab with him about the new whatchamacallit thingee. You’re signing autographs and kissing babies. Some old bag lost her cat in a tree and you reach up and grab it like it’s nothing because you’re tall. Like a tree. Everyone applauds. You tell everyone you have to get back to practice but remind them that you’re playing the Kings tonight. Everybody better be there because you’re going to score twenty points in honor of that local firefighter who broke his arm. You own this city, Scott Haskin, You are this city.

Scott Haskin: Wow. Okay, let’s do this. You said my hand on my hip like this?

Photographer: Right! Just like that. Now hold it there…

Did you know?
Scott Haskin wore No. 43 in honor of being handed that number by the coaching staff.


Rashad said…
great post, I immediately flashed to Napoleon Dynamite when I saw the back of the card, Deb would be proud
Anonymous said…
Kinda rude. Scott is a really nice guy, in case you've never met him - which, of course, you haven't.