Classic card of the week

Scott Karl, 1999 Upper Deck

Me: Hey Scott Karl, can you sign my Scott Karl card featuring Scott Karl signing a Scott Karl card?
Scott Karl: What? You trying to be funny or something buddy? Cause I’ll kick your f*&^%$ ass.
Me: Whoa, slow down Scott Karl! Nobody’s trying to be funny here. I’m just looking for an autograph from one of my all-time favorite players.
Scott Karl: Oh yeah? Well, what do you know about Scott Karl? Let’s see how big of a fan you really are…
Me: Okay, well…I know you like pointy Oakley sunglasses.
Scott Karl: True, true. Go on.
Me: Okay, I know that you pitched -- and won! -- the first game the Brewers played as a National League team since 1965, a 6-4 victory over the powerhouse Expos on Opening Day in 1998.
Scott Karl: Ya’ heard! Tell me more.
Me: I know that on that day, you “scattered seven hits over 6.1 innings,” which is a lot of scattering.
Scott Karl: I like to scatter, yes. How did you know?
Me: I know that if having an ERA in the 4’s is wrong, then you don’t want to be right.
Scott Karl: What the fff-
Me: I know that you blast Limp Bizkit in your Jeep, I know that you weigh 206 lbs, and that, on several occasions, you’ve shoved smaller men for “looking at your girl the wrong way.” I know that you initiate approximately 48 high-fives a week, for reasons ranging from seeing a big pair of boobs, to getting a good batch of nachos at TGI Fridays. I know that you get defensive when other people manipulate your name to make it sound dirty, and that the Brewers suck. I know that you’re going to sign my Scott Karl card, because by 2001, not many people are going to be asking you to sign their Scott Karl card.
Scott Karl: Whatever dude. Gimmie a pen.
Me: You have one already.
Scott Karl: Do you want me to capitalize “Assface?”
Me: That would be great.

Did you know?
Scott Karl played the bad guy in a late 90's movie called, "Grounds Rule Double," which was about a dyslexic orphan named Billy Grounds trying to make it to the big leagues.


Anonymous said…
Who?...Hot Carl? Do the Brewers still exist?
CMB said…
You are crazy! That was too funny. I loved the Assface part.
187Corporate said…
So does Assface appear on the card within the card when he signs your card?