You-Pod better than I do

For reasons that I will not delve into, I will have some spending money coming my way soon (let’s just say that I overestimated the cost of my last dentist’s appointment…I’ve been flossing, and it shows). Whenever this rarest of occasion occurs, instead of saving the extra money, like a more financially-sound person would do, I prefer to immediately spend it on various luxury items, such as a nice mouse pad, or a popular Old Navy “graphic” t-shirt that indicates I have been to a fun place that doesn’t really exist, like “Big Bill’s Rodeo Circus, in Houston, Texas.” But since I have more money coming in the near future than maybe ever before, I’m thinking big time. I may get an iPod.

If the “technology age” were a party, I’m still not there, because I got lost, and because I was never invited. I am only familiar with the iPod for two reasons: 1) I live close enough to New York to know that every trendsetting wannabe who is really from New Jersey has one, and 2) those catchy iPod commercials in which silhouettes dance crazily around at the aforementioned technology party to popular songs that I can’t get out of my head until the NEXT iPod commercial airs. From what I understand, iPods are like walkmans, except that they don’t have humongous pieces of foam covering the headphones that make you appear as though you are co-piloting a 2,000-seat airliner. Also, iPods do not come equipped with compartments that hold a cassette tape OR a CD (compact disc). “Then HOW do you get the music in there?” is probably what you are asking yourself right now. And it’s funny you should ask. Because I don’t know.

Considering the cost of the iPod, I had just assumed that a) it automatically came standard equipped with every song ever recorded, or b) you could just give it verbal commands, like, “Play ‘Round the Way Girl’ by LL Cool J,” and “Make my bed.” But from what people are telling me, that is not the case. You (as in “me”) are responsible for “downloading” the songs onto the iPod. This is done via the computer, by plugging the iPod into the hard drive, wearing a silver protective baseball helmet, and letting the rest take care of itself.

Obviously, I have never downloaded a song before, which may or may not impede my progress when it comes to enjoying my iPod, if I ever get one. In fact, I was just made aware that there are several kinds of iPods. There is the “shuffle,” which only holds 300 songs, and “other ones,” that are much more expensive. I’m not sure if a 300-song iPod is enough for me, considering my vast and exquisite musical tastes. Although, by the time I learn how to “download” 300 songs, iPods will have given way to a more technologically advanced means of listening to music, by which we simply absorb the brainwaves of our favorite artists, and then perform the songs ourselves, in the comfort of our own living rooms.

Nevertheless, until then, I think I will splurge on the iPod shuffle. After all, iPods, like their walkman predecessor, are integral in situations where you don’t want to speak to, or even make eye contact with, other human beings, such as while riding the train, or at weddings. My brother-in-law Anthony can help me out with the downloading part. He’s good like that, and he has a silver baseball helmet I can borrow.


CMB said…
Mike, just a suggestion. I have a Dell Jukebox & I love it. It cost me $224 and came with everything I needed. It is SO east to download music to and it holds 9,900 songs! You might want to check that out. Love you!
Anonymous said…
I've been to "Big Bill's Rodeo Circus" in Houston TX...and it's glorious!!
Anonymous said…
Who is feeding you this information?...retro is in man...those foam ear pads are trendier than ever before!
Anonymous said…
Loved it! Beam me up, Scotty
Yeah Yeah said…
foam ear pads Rock!!! Especially the orange ones!!