The ‘Big Blur’ theory

I’ve been thinking about college a lot lately, and how it has influenced my life. For example, I can’t remember anything I was taught in college, and my current career choice has absolutely nothing to do with my former major. But on the bright side, I still have approximately $18,000 left to pay off in student loans, and I made great friends with people who I now speak to at least twice a year.

My major in school was History, and I have used that knowledge to do things like watch reality television, and set up this web blog, which my friend Pete had to help me with because he’s good with computers, although he knows very little about history, because he’s too busy making money in the real world. Speaking of history, my wife likes to do this fun thing where she quizzes me about some completely random historical fact (for example: “I was watching the Discovery Channel the other day, and they mentioned something about this Aztec leader. What was his name again, Mr. History Major?”), and when I don’t know the answer, she calls me an idiot, and ridicules me for having the audacity to have a degree that says “History” hanging in my closet, or wherever the heck that thing is. You see, her major was Speech Pathology, a field in which she is currently working on obtaining her Master’s Degree in, and a field which relegates itself to such topics as “speech pathology.” She doesn’t seem to understand that history comprises everything that has happened since Adam and Eve were created via the “Big Bang,” up until the “Ricky Lake Show.” That’s a lot of history, and it’s impossible to know everything, which is why I had to specialize in only limited areas of history in college, like the French Revolution, and Aztec Leaders.

Anyway, I’m approaching my five-year anniversary from graduating college, and I can’t seem to get a grasp on what college did for me, something I’m sure my parents would be proud to hear. I know college happened, but I’m not exactly sure why. And it wasn’t like I didn’t HAVE important knowledge at some point. I just seem to have forgotten it all. Like, my senior year in school, I took this seminar on “Apartheid in South Africa during the 1970’s” and it was an amazing class, and I learned so much on the travesties of the region, and the hypocrisy of the American government during this time period. But now, if that subject comes up in conversation, I’ll say, “Yeah — I took a class on that in college,” which is immediately followed by, “Really? Then you’d be the perfect person to shed more light on the topic. What’s your take?” And then I’ll say, “Man, it really sucked. I have to poop. If you see the waitress, can you get me another beer?”

It’s kind of embarrassing, really. Somehow the best four years of my life have turned into one big blur. The weird thing is, I can remember certain things from the blur, like that one Halloween when my friend Brandon got lost in a bad part of downtown Baltimore dressed like a giant M&M. That was great. I think we were drinking that day. But I can’t seem to remember anything about that French Revolution. I mean, I know they revolted and all, and I'm pretty sure it took place in France, which was then known as "Istanbul." But that's about it.

Well, I guess it doesn’t really matter, since history is no longer required to be my field of expertise anyway. And there’s NOTHING you can tell ME about reality television that I don’t already know! I mean — can you believe that freakin’ Freddy and Kendra won the “Amazing Race?” Man, that really sucked.