The strip club on Route 516 is having a Christmas party!
From what I understand, the date of the party is December 17th - a Friday night, so as not to compete with Saturday evening mass - and will feature "DJ Nasty," and $1.50 ello shots," which I inferred to mean "jello shots," with the "j" most likely somewhere in the Club 516 parking lot.
Now I've never been to a Club 516 Christmas party, but if it's anything like their Easter throw-down, then I'm in luck! (I can't even TELL you about the Easter egg hunt). And I hear that the employees will all be wearing Santa hats - and JUST Santa hats - and that they feature the only eggnog that tastes like Coors Light. Oh boy!
The only problem is that my wife and I apparently have another Christmas party scheduled for that exact night. But it's the same darn party we go to each year, where everybody has their clothes on, and there's no cigarette machine. We have to listen to stupid, generic Christmas albums, instead of jamming to the beats of DJ Nasty - whose holiday play list includes "Welcome to the Jungle."
I was trying to convince my wife that we should blow off this other party and experience the holidays the way they were meant to be experienced: with random naked ladies in Santa hats grinding your lap for money. But she says we HAVE to go to this other party because the host is apparently the "best man from our wedding." So it looks like I'll be paying for THAT decision every Christmas for the rest of my life.
So I guess I have no choice - we're going to the lame Christmas party...again. But hey - at least there's no cover charge. And the ello shots are free.