Thursday, October 14, 2004

These pictures of you

I've often found myself strolling down the aisles of a local supermarket, and saying to myself, "Ya' know - I wonder who the Produce Manager is here. Is it a man or a woman? And what does he or she look like?" Luckily for me, most supermarkets have an entire wall dedicated to their most famous employees, accompanied by huge 35" x 45" close-up photographs, with a label specifying each person's job title.

This "Wall O' Employees" is integral to the average person's grocery shopping experience. For example, let's say that you asked the idiot teenager at the deli counter for a pound of Boar's Head turkey breast, and he goes and gives you 1.19 pounds, completely going over what YOU were willing to pay for turkey breast on that particular day. You ask him to see the Deli Meat Manager, and some other teenager comes out claiming that HE'S the manager. "What a farce!" you think to yourself. So you haul yourself over the "Wall O' Employees" only to discover that this moron isn't the Deli Meat Manager! The REAL Deli Meat Manager is Roy McDougall, and he has three chins and a unibrow. You instantly demand to speak to Roy, but are told that he's on disability thanks to a meat slicing accident, but you are able to speak with the Assistant Deli Meat Manager, Karen, who's picture will only adorn the wall if Roy dies. She takes the excess turkey out of your cold cut bag and puts it in her pocket, prints out a new sticky label, and you're on your way. Problem solved.

There are a million instances per day like the one I just described that make it quite obvious just HOW important the "Wall O' Employees" is. It's unfortunate that it took me so many years to realize this, because when I was in college, and much less mature than I am today, I used to steal these framed photographs and hang them in my dorm room. I thought it was soooo funny that nobody in the local supermarket knew what happened to the picture of Jim Bettle, the Poultry Supervisor, OR Kim Igglesworth, the Assistant Pharmacist. Little did I know, that these humongous photographs were placed on the "Wall O' Employees" as a benefit to shoppers everywhere, and I was depriving my fellow man of having the full, complete grocery shopping experience. Shame on me. But on a positive note, I'm pretty sure one of roommates dressed up like Jim Bettle for Halloween one year, which was amazing considering he had only a gigantic head shot to go by. Those were good times.

1 comment:

Sean said...

I'm my own Meat Manager.

If you know what I mean.

And you know what I mean. (Sorry Mrs. Kenny)