So, Do You Like ... Stuff?

ONE THING ON MY MIND TODAY: WHAT'S POPPIN' WITH BIG BANG THEORY OH WORD CAN'T BELIEVE SHE REALLY EXISTS! AND MORE LIKE "BIG BANGS FANS" BECAUSE SHE IS STRAIGHT ROCKING THEM IRL, YOU GO GIRL I WONDER! ALL OF THEM! OK SURE I GUESS OH NO DISCOVERING THESE PLOT HOLES HAVE MADE THIS DUMB SITCOM LESS BELIEVABLE DON'T PATRONIZE ME OK THAT'S ENOUGH, THANK YOU LET US TURN OUR ATTENTION TO RED LOBSTER, HAVEN'T HEARD FROM THEM IN A HOT MINUTE ARE YOU ASKING ME I DON'T KNOW! "TOP STORIES" TOP RICHEST STARS WHO ARE RICH WHAT ABOUT "TOP SUPER-RICH 70s STARS WHO ARE ALSO RICH, STILL" "RICHEST TOP 70s STARS-- STILL RICH? YOU BETCHA. HERE ARE THE TOP ONES" "TOP RICHEST SUPER-RICH 70s STARS NAMED RICH, OR NOT, DOESN'T MATTER" "REMEMBER THE 70s? BET YOU THOUGHT THE TOP RICHEST STARS FROM THAT TIME PERIOD WERE NOW BROKE OR DEAD. WELL ...

COOL I'VE BEEN STARING AT THIS PHOTO FOR A VERY LONG TIME, LONG ENOUGH TO START IMAGINING A SCENARIO WHERE THESE MEN ARE NOT ON A BOAT BUT ACTUALLY STANDING ON THE SEASIDE BOARDWALK AND HAVE JUST WON THESE STUFFED FISH BY SQUIRTING WATER INTO A CLOWN'S MOUTH THE FASTEST DOES THE WORLD'S LARGEST DOG LOOK LIKE THIS ABSURDLY LARGE DOG THAT I AM LOOKING AT RIGHT NOW "EDITORCHOICE" NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT THE MESSED UP THINGS IN BATMAN LIKE HOW HIS PARENTS WERE MURDERED I MEAN ... THAT'S MESSED UP UMMM DID THIS THIRD-GRADE DO-GOODER GROW UP TO GET SCAMMED BY A SOCIALITE GRIFTER A TALE AS OLD AS TIME HER DESTINY WAS SEALED THE MINUTE SHE ICED THE LAST CAKE WHAT ... I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE SAID IT ONCE I'VE SAID IT A HUNDRED TIMES: IF YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO ME HOW TO USE THE SINK, I DON'T WANT THE SINK SMARTASSET CEO : I NEED A STOCK PHOTO OF A MAN REGRETTING HIS CHOICE OF FINANCIAL ADVISOR SMARTASS...

"DEAR CENTAUR GOPAL, THE GARBAGE DUMP SMELLS TOO BAD AND MADE ME BARF TWICE. I KNOW YOU ARE AWARE OF THE PROBLEM BUT NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT MY THROW UP. PLEASE FIX ASAP. THANKS, B-MAGGS" THERE ARE 47 COMMENTS HERE BUT WE'RE GOING TO FOCUS MOSTLY ON BARBARA'S BECAUSE THEY ARE GOOD OKAY SO THIS ONE'S NOT SO GOOD "SO FIRST YOU MADE ME DRIVE AROUND THE DUMP WITH THIS WOMAN AT 4 IN THE MORNING AND THEN YOU GAVE HER MY CELL PHONE NUMBER, WTF?" - TINTON FALLS ENGINEER YEAH MAYBE LET'S NOT COMPARE THIS TO THE HOLOCAUST SEEMS TO BE A LEGITIMATE ISSUE AND I APPLAUD THE EFFORT BUT MAYBE WE DON'T WANT BARBARA IN CHARGE OF THIS FIGHT "IT WAS A FAX" NEVERTHELESS AMY KEPT CALLING THE FAX NUMBER AFTER HOURS AMAZING THAT "THE PEOPLE OF TINTON FALLS" HAVE NOT RESOLVED THIS ISSUE "DEAR LAWYERS, PLEASE USE THE ATTACHED FORM I COMPLETED FOR TRIAL IN SUPREME COURT, PLEASE IGNORE THE SHADOWS, I P...

SIGN NO. 1: YOU HAVE ENORMOUS BREASTS I'M NOT A SOLDIER BUT THIS PHOTO CAPTURES ARMY LIFE BETTER THAN ANYTHING I'VE EVER READ OR WATCHED DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW IF THEY SERVED IN THE ARMY AND THEY'RE CONSULTING THIS LIST TO FIND OUT IF SO THOSE ARE PROLLY NOT THE PEOPLE WE WANT IN THE ARMY NOT SURE IF THIS IS A FUN LISTICLE OR IF IT'S SAYING THESE SIGNS OF SERVING IN THE ARMY ARE EXPLICIT AND YOU SHOULD BE 18 YEARS OR OLDER TO CLICK JUDGING BY THE PHOTO SEEMS LIKE THE LATTER LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S READY FOR THE ARMY "YOU MAY LIKE" *MAY* AS IF COMPETING "JENNIFER ANISTON LEAVING LITTLE TO THE IMAGINATION" ARTICLES ARE NOT THE ONLY REASON I LOG ON EVERY DAY AH THIS HELPFUL SCIENCE DIAGRAM EXPLAINS IT IN LAYMAN'S TERMS WHO NEEDS ARMS AND A PENIS WHEN YOU HAVE SIX-PACK ABS I WONDER IF IT'S OVALTINE HEALTH MD ... SOUNDS LEGIT GONNA CREATE A SITE CALLED "LAWYER, ESQ" WITH ARTICLES LIKE "TRY THIS ...

COO BUT WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT THE DECISION IN THE HEADLIN THAT'S CALLED BURYING THE LED FINALLY YOU CAN FIND ME AT THE PIE SHOP EATIN' MAD PIES SON WHATCHU THINK THIS IS IHOP NAH FAM, LET'S GET OUR PIE ON FROM THE TRACK "YOU CAN FIND ME AT THE PIE SHOP" A PIE SHOP IS A THING PFFT IT'S SO EASY TO BAFFLE CHIROPRACTORS IN THEIR DEFENSE HOWEVER I AM *ALSO* BAFFLED AS TO WHY THEY GAVE STRETCHING LADY THOSE STRETCH ARMSTRONG-ASS ARMS WHATEVER, I SUPPOSE THE POINT IS THAT SHE FINALLY FOUND THE SIMPLE STRETCH TO SOLVE ALL THE BACK PAIN SO THAT'S OVER SUCKS FOR CHIROPRACTORS BUT HEY AT LEAST THEY STILL HAVE NECKS I MEAN C'MON CHIROPRACTORS : [ STUNNED ] FOILED BY NECKRELAX.COM AGAIN, OUR CAREERS ARE WORTHLESS THAT DEVICE LOOKS GOOD AND SAFE AND EASY TO USE AND LIKE IT DOESN'T HURT AT ALL AND I'M 90 PERCENT SURE THAT WOMAN IS ALIVE IMAGINE A CHIROPRACTOR WAS IN THE AUDIENCE TALK ABOUT A BAD ...

WILD HORSES COULDN'T STOP ME FROM TYPING "YES" "THIS PICTURE OF A COWBOY IN AN OVERCOAT WALKING BETWEEN A HORSE AND A SMALLER COWBOY HAS REMINDED ME THAT NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE GOING TO CHURCH THESE DAYS" MAKES SENSE NOT TO BE A HORSE'S ASS BUT: *FEWER* BELIEVERS ALSO: COMMAS CANNOT BE ELLIPSES ALSO: WHAT ELIZABETH WRIGHT IS THE FIRST KNOWN "PERSON" TO HAVE HER FAITH IN HUMANITY RESTORED AFTER READING FACEBOOK COMMENTS ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING THINGS ABOUT OLDER FOLKS IS HOW THEY'RE ABLE TO ACCIDENTALLY ACHIEVE THE IMPOSSIBLE WHEN FUMBLING THEIR WAY THROUGH TECHNOLOGY, SUCH AS MANAGING TO INSERT A COMMA BELOW A "K" ON A FACEBOOK COMMENT YOU COULD GIVE ME A MONTH TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO THAT AND I WOULD FAIL OTHER THAN THAT THOUGH THIS COMMENT IS PERFECT AND USES PREPOSITIONS WELL AND IS NOT MISSING ANY WORDS AND IS NOT SEEMINGLY TARGETED AT NO ONE IN PARTICULAR AND HAS STRICTLY ADHERED TO THE INSTRUCTION...