So, Do You Like ... Stuff?

I grew a beard again . I don't think anybody likes the beard. I think this because people say things like, “Oh, you uh … you grew a beard, huh?” WHY YES HOW DID YOU KNOW. With no compliments to offer, they then search for reasons to justify the absurdity on my face, and more than one person has commented, “For winter, right?” to which I agree, in part because, why not—hair growth should be as seasonal as vegetables, which is why I braid my eyebrows each spring—and also because I enjoy the notion that hair on my face will serve its Darwinian purpose of keeping me warm during these upcoming months of winter 2017-2018 during which I mostly plan to be watching old seasons of no-longer-hip TV shows on streaming apps as opposed to chopping wood in a distant, snow-filled forest to provide heat for my family. At the heart of the outside world’s confusion and possible disgust is likely the fact that I am 39 and my beard is noticeably grey. Almost all of it is grey. It is grey, basi...

ARGH STUPID COWORKERS ARE SO FRUSTRATING THIS MEME IS BOTH RELATABLE AND ADORBS IF OTHER PEOPLE ARE STUPID THAT MEANS WE ARE SMART TO WIT: THIS MEME IS NOT ABOUT YOUR LITTLE BUBS, MERNA , IT'S ABOUT STUPID COWORKERS THIS MEME IS NOT ABOUT MAKING HARD POOPS, IT'S ABOUT STUPID COWORKERS, DANG THIS MEME IS NOT ABOUT HAIR(ZZ) LOSS, IT'S ABOUT STUPID COWORKERS ALSO *THIS* IS WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE, GAIL : THAT FACE YOU MAKE WHEN YOU'RE RAILING AGAINST YOUR STUPID COWORKERS BUT AREN'T SMART ENOUGH TO UPLOAD A PROFILE PIC THIS MEME IS NOT ABOUT CHICKENS OH MY GOODNESS IT'S TOUGH  BEING THE SMARTEST ONE IN THE OFFICE GOOD SENTENCE BUT THIS MEME IS NOT ABOUT SIBLINGS SAFE TO ASSUME THAT'S NOT YOU AND YOUR BROTHER IN THAT PROFILE PIC THIS MEME IS ALSO NOT ABOUT ONE COWORKER BUT COWORKERS PLURAL ALL OF THEM ARE STUPID C'MON DEBRA SMATHERS ??????????????????????????????????????????????????...

"IF MY BODY *WERE* A CAR" YOU HAVE ONIONS IN YOUR RADIATOR? OF COURSE I KID, THIS IS A GREAT MEME ABOUT OLD PEOPLE'S PEE PEE AND FARTS AND A GREAT VISUAL I MIGHT ADD IS THAT A NORMAN ROCKWELL STATUE ANYWAY WHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK ABOUT THIS PEE PEE AND FARTS MEME I DO NOT GET THIS JOKE LIKE AT ALL WHY DID THE WOMAN GO TO A CHEMIST FOR PEE PEE AND FART PROBLEMS WHY WILL SHE NOT DARE TO COUGH I AM VERY ANGRY AT THIS TERRIBLE NON-JOKE IT'S LIKE GEORGE HAS BEEN STASHING THIS IN HIS HOLSTER JUST WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MEME TO COME ALONG BIG FAIL HERE BY GEORGE SPEAKING OF BIG FAILS WHOEVER CREATES THESE AWFUL MEMES READS COMMENTS LIKE THIS AND IS LIKE "YUP STILL GOT IT" ONE THING I'VE LEARNED FROM EXAMINING THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF COMMENTS ON AWFUL MEMES: THE BETTY BOOP CONTINGENT WILL NOT HESITATE TO COMMENT DESPITE BEING BASICALLY ILLITERATE RON PALON (GIVING A TOAST AT 25TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY) : I KN...

OK JERRY THE MOUSE HOLD UP JERRY ARE YOU RAISING YOUR HAND OR JUST PRESENTING THE MEME CAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU EVER REALLY TRUSTED TOM IN THE FIRST PLACE ANYWAY I'M NITPICKING- EVERYTHING IN THIS MEME IS TIGHT AND GRAPHICALLY PLEASING SO LET'S DO THIS AND WE'RE OFF YOU JEALOUS FAM? JK YOU ARE DEFINITELY BETTER OFF IF ONLY HE COULD SEE YOU NOW, SPITTING TRUTH IN THE COMMENTS SECTION OF TOM AND JERRY MEMES WOW THAT IS SPECIFIC BUT EERILY RELEVANT IN THIS CASE WHAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALTERNATIVE OLIVER IS TRYING TO SAY BUT I'M NOT HANGING AROUND TO FIND OUT I HEARD TAKING OVER THE COUNTER LOVERS WHO DEMAND SIMPATHY WITHOUT A PRESCRIPTION CAN MAKE YOU [SIC] AT WALGREENS, MAN POPS OUT FROM BEHIND DISPLAY OF TOOTHPASTE HELLO MY NAME IS FRANK I AM A VERY NICE GUY, TOO BAD I WAS AN ORPHAN AS A CHILD AND NOW I HAVE GOUT, ANYWAY WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ME JUGGLE DORALENE : OH NO I'M NOT FALLING FOR THIS AGAIN ...

I WONDER WHAT PLACES PAINTERS LOVE K COOL THANKS THEY PROLLY LOVE THESE PLACES BECAUSE THEY CAN PAINT THERE SOME PLACES DON'T LET YOU PAINT THERE LIKE ANNIE'S PRETZELS TO CITE BUT ONE EXAMPLE ANYWAY BEEN THINKIN' ABOUT INVESTING IN A MINI FOOD PROCESSOR K COOL THANKS SO MUCH FOR MY "HUMMUS, PARTY OF ONE" IDEA ANOTHER THING I'VE BEEN THINKI- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OMG IS IT GONE WHEW WOW OK WHERE WERE WE OH YEAH FOOD FINALLY NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHY FIRST LADIES HAVE TO KEEP THIS SECRET UNTIL THEY'RE OUT OF OFFICE BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT WE KNOW NOW REFINERY29 EDITOR : AND CAN GET A PICTURE OF HER WHERE SHE'S MAKING THE "OOOHHH THAT'S ACTUALLY THE ONE FOOD I JUST DON'T LIKE" FACE REFINERY29 INTERN : GOT IT "THE BROMANCE" LOGO PAIRS WELL WITH THIS HEADLINE WTF SATISFYING HEADLINES LIKE THIS ARE WHY I LOG ON TO THE ...

UHHH IS THAT ALL IS THERE A PUNCHLINE OR SOMETHING LIFE LESSON NAH, JUST A SAD PANDA MEME? OK I GUESS LET'S ROLL WITH IT HERE IS A SEGMENT WE CALL "GREAT MOMENTS IN INTERNET DIALOGUE" COURTESY OF BEVERLY AND ETHAN TO RECAP BEVERLY : THIS SAD MEME IS SAD ETHAN : 'SUP GIRL BEVERLY : PEOPLE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SAD LIKE PANDAS SO BACK OFF DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK THIS SAD MEME IS SAD THIS OPINION SEEMS CONTRARIAN RJ HENIO'S CREW : YA'LL SEEN THAT PANDA MEME RJ HENIO : OH THAT SAD RJ HENIO'S CREW : SAY WORD ... ... (EVERYONE CRIES) THAT PANDA WILL KILL YOU WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING BEER RIGHT NOW JOHN BECAUSE YOUR COMMENT IS GARBLED NONSENSE THIS KIND OF FISHING FOR INTERNET AFFECTION IS WHY MEMES WERE INVENTED IN THE FIRST PLACE THANK YOU SAD PANDA MEME, AND THANK YOU EVERYONE

HMMM WONDER WHAT THIS IS ABOUT YO YO YO PHIL THAT SUCKS M'MAN BUT I HAVE SOME POINTS TO MAKE: 1) TMI 2) AIN'T NOBODY TRYIN' TO THINK ABOUT PHIL'S FEET AT 11:40AM SO CLOSE TO LUNCH DAMN 3) THIS IS A NEIGHBORHOOD SOCIAL MEDIA GROUP FOR LIKE FINDING A LOST CAT OR HAVING A GARAGE SALE OR WHATEVER 4) SAVE THE FOOT STUFF FOR TINDER NA MEAN 5) IS YOUR MISSPELLING SOME TYPE OF FREUDIAN POSITIVE OUTLOOK BECAUSE IF SO: 6) NICE 7) LEMME GUESS YOU NEED A FOOT DOCTOR IMMA BE HONEST PHIL- HERE ARE THE THINGS I CAN CONFIDENTLY RECOMMEND: 1) INTERNET SEARCH ENGINES 2) REUBEN SANDWICHES 3) DOPE ALBUMS THAT HAVE RECENTLY DROPPED 4) DECENT FOOT DOCTORS 5) CONTACTING YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE PROVIDER 6) FOOT PODCASTS 7) A NEW BOOK CALLED HOW TO USE SOCIAL MEDIA TO SOLICIT PERSONAL MEDICAL ADVICE IN THE AGE OF GOOGLE BY ME 8) CHAPTER ONE: DON'T 9) THAT IS THE WHOLE BOOK ANYWAY YOU'LL NOTICE THAT NOT INCLUDED AMONG THESE THINGS IS A G...

AT FIRST I WASN'T SURE WHAT IT WAS UNTIL I SAW DUDE SLIDING DOWN IT IT'S A SLIDE PRETTY SURE DUDE BROKE HIS COCCYX AFTER THIS RUN "BARBARA, CANCEL MY MEETING WITH FRANKLIN & ASSOCIATES AND TELL THEM IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SLIDE. I BROKE MY BUTT ... HAVING SEX." BUT AT LEAST HE YOLO'D TO FOLLOW UP: 1) NO 2) WHAT 3) YOU WOULD USE THE STAIRS TO GET BACK TO THE TOP. THE STAIRS ARE RIGHT THERE 4) OR THE STAIRS "... UNLESS THAT GAME IS SLIDING DOWN THE JOURNEY OF LIFE WITH ME FROM NOW UNTIL ETERNITY. IS THIS INDOOR SLIDE MEME COMMENT THREAD THE RIGHT PLACE TO FIND A SERIOUS WOMAN" "ALAS IT SEEMS NOT." - RAY (AKA EMMY RAY) IT *IS* CRAZY THAT HE (MAN PICTURED) REALLY LIKES [THE SLIDE] BUT NOT AS CRAZY AS YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO THIS COMMENT THREAD SO YOU WIN, HELEN HALL I DON'T SEE WHY NOT, EDDIE EIDDIE GUYS- EDDIE EIDDIE LOVES OUR STUFF AND WANTS TO HELP I DON'T KNOW WHICH A...