Spam email of the week

Subject: Some new nail art products

Okay.

Hi,Friend,

Hello.

Wish you start a beautiful day from fingers to toes.

Awww, what a sweet and totally normal sentiment! My fingers are feeling pretty good right now … strong, flexible, and beautiful. My toes?

Not so much. Also I have a headache, but not your concern. Besides, I took some aspi—

This is Roger from Pretty—Nailart CO.,LTD. Glad to know that you in the market of nail art products.

I suppose the ends justify the means, and it is good that we’ve connected, Roger. Still, can you humor me? Who informed you of my affection for nail art products? I need to know so I can mail this person a dead possum thank you card.

We are factorys specialize in all kinds of nail art products.Iwould like to introduce some hot products with very easy price.

(Full disclosure: I sat next to Roger in creative writing class at Nail Art College University. This right here is classic Rog.)

Roger, before you get into your line of hot products, I want to interrupt because I am only interested in one specific, hot product: Do you have new Polish stickers for World Cup Brazil and if so, how much per card? J/k—that question was obviously just a bunch of words I incoherently pieced toge—

2014 new polish stickers for World Cup Brazil only 0.4usd per card

Me: Hello, ma’am. I would like one card of Polish-themed stickers for the upcoming World Cup soccer tournament. Here is zero point four United States dollars.

Cashier: What? Yo, this is Subway, dawg. And I am not a woman.

And THAT is why I only buy my nail art online from Rog.

GO POLAND! (blows vuvuzela while wearing nothing but nail art)