Spam email of the week
Subject: Please if you have the fear of GOD, Please Reply.
OK.
Dear Blessed One,
Urgent Assistance Needed!!!
This subtle desperation is appealing to my senses.
Greetings to you blessed one!. As you read through my message, I do not want you to feel pity or sorry for me,
No problem.
for I believe someday,somehow,we will all surely die,
What a unique belief. To each his own, I guess.
My name is Mrs. Mrs.Blessing Handerson
For some reason, it's the "Handerson" I find most humorous. Maybe it's because I'm imagining a spam sitcom called "Harry and the Handersons" about a sasquatch who is blessed.
a Citizen of the united kingdom, I am a 53years old woman, I am diagnosed of Cancer of the Larynx and it is terminal, medical science can not do anything for me at this stage. I believe in miracles because I believe in GOD, however I prefer to pass on at this stage since I am bed ridden and in constant pain.
Here is the Cliff Notes version of this email so far:
Dear stranger,
I want to die.
Before this happened, my business and concern for making money was all I lived for, I never really cared about other values in life.
You remind me of a famous, Christmas-themed literary character, Mister Mister Ebenezer Handerson.
But since my present situation, I have found a new desire to assist helpless families. I have been helping orphans in orphanage/motherless homes. I have once donated some money to orphans in war ravaged Eritrea,Somalia,Sudan and some East European Countries.
God: Welp, it says here you spent your whole life chasing that paper.
Mrs. Mrs. Blessing Handerson: Yes but one time I donated to some orphans in Eritrea or something.
God: I don't see a record of that.
Mrs. Mrs. Blessing Handerson: It was online.
God: No, I mean of "Eritrea."
Mrs. Mrs. Blessing Handerson: ...
God: ...
Mrs. Mrs. Blessing Handerson: ...
God: Awww, c'mon in.
Having known my condition I decided to entrust my last funds I have deposited in Europe ( USD$ 8.5 MILLION) to either a philanthropic or devoted individual that will use his judgment to distribute the money to charity organizations and feel free to reimburse yourself when you have the money with a total of 40% for your assistance also for any cost you incur during the process of collecting and distributing the money to charity organizations.
(picture of me handing a fake Ronald McDonald and several disappointed small children an absurdly giant check for $10.83 made out to RONALD MCDOOGAL ORPHANAGE HOUSE FOR KIDZ ZONE while a wad of cash hangs out of my back pocket)
I have left the hospital and presently at home, I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only few months to live.
I don't feel bad for you, but only because you told me not to. But also because you are fake and terrible.
It is my last wish to see this money distributed to charity organizations,because I don't have any child and my relatives and friends has plundered so much of my wealth since my illness,
Your relatives and friends sound chill.
I cannot live with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them. Please, I beg you in the name of God to help me collect the deposit and distr-
Oops I accidentally cut you off and deleted your email and then cleared my deleted messages because I hate this email so much. But good luck with everything. Who knows, maybe you'll be the first person to live forever.
OK.
Dear Blessed One,
Urgent Assistance Needed!!!
This subtle desperation is appealing to my senses.
Greetings to you blessed one!. As you read through my message, I do not want you to feel pity or sorry for me,
No problem.
for I believe someday,somehow,we will all surely die,
What a unique belief. To each his own, I guess.
My name is Mrs. Mrs.Blessing Handerson
For some reason, it's the "Handerson" I find most humorous. Maybe it's because I'm imagining a spam sitcom called "Harry and the Handersons" about a sasquatch who is blessed.
a Citizen of the united kingdom, I am a 53years old woman, I am diagnosed of Cancer of the Larynx and it is terminal, medical science can not do anything for me at this stage. I believe in miracles because I believe in GOD, however I prefer to pass on at this stage since I am bed ridden and in constant pain.
Here is the Cliff Notes version of this email so far:
Dear stranger,
I want to die.
Before this happened, my business and concern for making money was all I lived for, I never really cared about other values in life.
You remind me of a famous, Christmas-themed literary character, Mister Mister Ebenezer Handerson.
But since my present situation, I have found a new desire to assist helpless families. I have been helping orphans in orphanage/motherless homes. I have once donated some money to orphans in war ravaged Eritrea,Somalia,Sudan and some East European Countries.
God: Welp, it says here you spent your whole life chasing that paper.
Mrs. Mrs. Blessing Handerson: Yes but one time I donated to some orphans in Eritrea or something.
God: I don't see a record of that.
Mrs. Mrs. Blessing Handerson: It was online.
God: No, I mean of "Eritrea."
Mrs. Mrs. Blessing Handerson: ...
God: ...
Mrs. Mrs. Blessing Handerson: ...
God: Awww, c'mon in.
Having known my condition I decided to entrust my last funds I have deposited in Europe ( USD$ 8.5 MILLION) to either a philanthropic or devoted individual that will use his judgment to distribute the money to charity organizations and feel free to reimburse yourself when you have the money with a total of 40% for your assistance also for any cost you incur during the process of collecting and distributing the money to charity organizations.
(picture of me handing a fake Ronald McDonald and several disappointed small children an absurdly giant check for $10.83 made out to RONALD MCDOOGAL ORPHANAGE HOUSE FOR KIDZ ZONE while a wad of cash hangs out of my back pocket)
I have left the hospital and presently at home, I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only few months to live.
I don't feel bad for you, but only because you told me not to. But also because you are fake and terrible.
It is my last wish to see this money distributed to charity organizations,because I don't have any child and my relatives and friends has plundered so much of my wealth since my illness,
Your relatives and friends sound chill.
I cannot live with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them. Please, I beg you in the name of God to help me collect the deposit and distr-
Oops I accidentally cut you off and deleted your email and then cleared my deleted messages because I hate this email so much. But good luck with everything. Who knows, maybe you'll be the first person to live forever.
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