Spam email of the week

Subject: Re:Steel products supplier from Huaye Group

I honestly didn’t know there was a group other than Huaye by which to acquire a steel products supplier, but OK.

Dear Manager,

Nice to contact you,

Is it? I am going to make fun of this.

Shanghai Huaye Iron & Steel Group is a China’s top 500 enterprises Rank No.104 with 24  years' development as a manufacturer of various steel.

I like my steel like I like my facts—cold and hard. And the fact is I only do business with Top 100 Chinese enterprises. You have exactly 24 hours to move up four spots, or the deal is OFF.

Just kidding I don't care let's do this.

I am Cindy with four years sales experience,

Cindy sounds like a traditional Chinese name and your vast experience in steel sales speaks for itself. Show me the dotted line and I will sign for any amount of steel. I need steel, and lots of it. I don't eff around when it comes to steel. Steel me.

Hope this e-mail would make us know more about each other.

Me too, Cindy. Me. Too. One thing you should about me from the outset is that I have a cleft lip. Also, I don’t need any steel. I was joking earlier.

Products are introduced as below: 

If I woke up one morning and this was on my doorstep, I would definitely know what to do with it because I am very good at steel. (I would get inside of it and ask my wife to roll it down a giant hill.) But what I really need is a bundle of steel rods.

This will do.

ME LOOKING AT BLUE STEEL BE LIKE

Well this has been fun. For me at least.