So, Do You Like ... Stuff?

I BET THIS WAS WRITTEN BY AN IMPARTIAL NON-BROWN-EYED PERSON ALSO PRETTY SURE THESE WERE THE LYRICS TO “BROWN EYED GIRL” BEFORE VAN MORRISON’S EDITOR GOT INVOLVED MIGHT I ADD THAT BROWN-EYED PEOPLE ARE VERY GOOD AT MAKING MEMES AND WRITING WORDS AND ALSO PUNCTUATION AND CAPITALIZATION AND SYNTAX “THEY ARE STRAIGHT SHOOTERS AND HONEST TO THE POINT TO BE INTIMIDATING BY THOSE WHO AREN’T USED TO SUCH OPEN HONESTY!” PERSONALLY I AM NOT USED TO SUCH ELOQUENT PHRASING, BUT THEN AGAIN I HAVE BLUE EYES BARBARA N RONNIE WAGONER’S DAUGHTER : WHAT I ACTUALLY SAID MOM IS THAT YOU’RE A B*TCH POTENTIAL EMPLOYER : IT SAYS HERE YOUR NAME IS FLUFFER GHOSTMAN … IS THAT UH REAL FLUFFER GHOSTMAN : AS REAL AS MY BROWN EYES POTENTIAL EMPLOYER : AND YOUR SKILLS ARE “TELLING IT LIKE IT IS,” “HAVING BROWN EYES” AND “NOT [BLEEPING] CARING,” IS THAT CORRECT FLUFFER GHOSTMAN : WHATEVER POTENTIAL EMPLOYER : CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED AT YOUR LAST PLACE

WHAT IS THE GOOD AND RELEVANT NEWS OF THE DAY THERE IS ONLY ONE THING I THINK ABOUT MORE THAN WHAT THE WOMAN FROM THRILLER LOOKS LIKE NOW AND THAT'S SWIMMING WITH PIGS IN THE BAHAMAS (READS LIST, REFERENCES PERSONAL NOTEBOOK) QUESTION NO. 19: CAN YOU RIDE THE PIGS -NO QUESTION NO. 20: CAN THE PIGS RIDE YOU -NO QUESTION NO. 38: ARE THE PIGS NATIVE QUESTION NO. 46: WHY SO NOT *EVERYTHING* I GUESS SMH IF THEY CAME TO THIS COUNTRY LEGALLY, SURE AS IF YOU NEEDED MORE INFO, THIS ONE HAS A LEDE SURE EATING SUSHI IS FUN, BUT SO IS RUBBING SUSHI ON YOUR HEAD, WHICH IS A THING PEOPLE DO? HA HA I DON'T MEAN RUBBING ACTUAL SUSHI ON YOUR HEAD, BUT ONE OF THE CONDIMENTS ASSOCIATED WITH SUSHI. HOLD ON, LET ME START OVER, NOT BY DELETING THAT INTRO, BUT BY CONTINUING TO WRITE. FIRST OF ALL, EVERYONE WANTS TO SMUSH SUSHI ON THEIR HEAD. LET'S START WITH THAT. HEAD SUSHI. #HEADSUSHI. BUT WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT. EVER HEAR OF WASABI? US

OK I guess. But like, do you mean kill them? Because I will do whatever you say, owl. Am I the only one who is 100% on board with this top hat-wearing owl's worldview? Thank you, Lesley. Lot to digest here. From what I can gather, Lesley knows a mouthy bitch who’s got more gob (a.k.a. “gab,” a.k.a. words) than an elephant as (a.k.a. “has”) ass, which is to say a lot of words (elephants have big butts, scientifically). Lesley would like to sew this metaphorical elephant ass of words shut so it stops sh*tting words on her, and when she does sew the elephant butt closed, she will wipe off the words that have already spewed on her. Relative to this meme, I think Lesley would also like to wipe this mouthy bitch out of her life. My guess is that Lesley has been feeling this way about her mouthy bitch friend for some time now, and this owl meme was the catalyst allowing her to express her true feelings … and eloquently I might add. Anyway, good luck, Les

Subject: Attention: You: certainly: have: mine: From: Ademola Johnson <”www.”@triton.ocn.ne.jp> I was expecting ajohnson@ustreasury.gov , but this seems equally legit. Other than not knowing the difference between a website and an email address, you have proven yourself worthy of my attention. By the way do you still need my attention? I am easily distrac- Attention: OK fine, sheesh. Good day, this is to inform you of your long overdue Compensation Payment In this office Files records over here. That is an impressive collection of words that almost form a coherent thought. I especially like the concluding “over here,” because for a second I thought these words were coming from over there. This department founds your name Me thinks yours’ department be good at founding things. and email address in the Central Computer / Federal Ministry of Finance among list of Scam Victim unpaid Compensation Funds and have to update your information by conta

HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW I DRINK MY WATER, FAM BUT ARE YOU SAYING THAT SHOOTING IT UP MY BUTT WITH A GARDEN HOSE IS SO 2000 AND LATE YEAH WELL YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL *ME* ABOUT HOW POORLY WHALE STOCKS ARE PERFORMING THAT'S IT, I'M ONLY GIVING THESE DANG WHALES 9 MORE YEARS TO JUSTIFY MY INVESTMENT WORD OH NO NO. 3: TWO MILLION IS NOT EVEN THAT MANY NO. 5: THE GAMING SYSTEM'S PRODUCTION WAS INTRINSICALLY TIED TO WHALE STOCKS WILD HORSES COULDN'T DRAG ME FROM CLICKING ON THIS TIMELY AND INFORMATIVE NEWS ARTICLE HOW DOES ONE RETIRE FROM PUBLIC LIFE "... AND SO IN CONCLUSION, FOR REAL THIS TIME ... LEAVE ME ALONE" [ PRINCE PHILIP GOES TO USE THE PUBLIC RESTROOM AT A LONDON APPLEBEES, STOPPED BY MANAGER ] "I'M SORRY SIR THIS IS ONLY FOR ACTIVE PUBLIC PEOPLE; YOU'LL HAVE TO MAKE PEE-PEE OR POOPY IN YOUR CASTLE" IS YESTERDAY TOO SOON "I'VE GOT TWO TICKETS TO PARADISE ... BUT