Spam email of the week

Subject: AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY.

I don’t know a lot about investing but this email seems nice.

Dear Friend,

See?

AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY.

Got it.

I hope this email finds you in good health. I m Dr. Donald Adams, originally from Fiji Islands,

Oh thanks for clarifying. For a hot second there I thought you were Dr. Donald Adams of Afghanistan, the famous expert doctor of medicine.

but I am presently in Afghanistan as an expert doctor of medicine.

Afghan person: Help, this man is having a heart attack! Is there an expert doctor of medicine anywhere?

Doctor: I am a doctor.

Afghan person: An expert doctor of medicine?

Doctor: I am … but a neurosurgeon. (hangs head in shame)

Afghan: DAMMIT THIS IS SERIOUS.

On the 12Th of April 2014 my wife and I were approached by a British Soldier, Warrant Officer Faulkner Spencer, who handed a box full of cash totaling TWENTY-TWO MILLION EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY {$22,800,000.00} to me and my wife for safe keeping and begged us never to disclose this to anyone.

I have two things to say: 1) nope; 2) you failed.

Unfortunately,exactly two weeks later news reached us that he had an accident and died in an Helicopter crash in Takhta Pul District, Afghanistan.

Kindly view the link below for confirmation:

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-10629358

This link without a doubt proves you’re taking the real name of someone who died as the thin veil of truth to cover up this cantaloupe of a lie.

My wife and I wants

WE NEED AN EXPERT DOCTOR OF GRAMMAR, STAT! Ha ha, j/k Dr. Donald Abrams—you seem like a good guy.

to use this opportunity to seek for your assistance to help us repatriate this fund to your country for investment purposes because the fund is not safe here and we can no longer hold on to this fund since Officer Faulkner is no more and we are willing to compensate you with 35% of the total sum for your help.

This fund is no longer safe here. Only 65 percent of this fund is safe here.

We will be very grateful if our proposal is considered and given the urgent attention it deserves.

The gratefulness of strangers is what drives me to live. A THOUSAND YESES.

This is our private e-mails:

Sincerely,

Dr. Donald Adams.

Thank you for your private emails. This has been worth it.

Comments

troy said…

1. Big box. 2. You can't repatriate British money by sending it to the United States. 3. If someone gives me a (big) box with TWENTY-TWO MILLION EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY, wouldn't *I* be begging *them* never to disclose this to anyone? "He who actually has a box the size of Kandahar full of cash on his actual person probably doesn't need no shushing" is a motto you'll hear people in Afghanistan saying all the time.

1:41 PM