Spam email of the week

Subject: AMERICAN FIRST CREDIT UNION NOTIFICATION

Never heard of ‘em. BUT, as an adult human who has no idea at which institutions he has invested his money, maybe I should listen.

Attention: Beneficiary,

We have moved your funds down to the United State  of America First Credit Union.

Standard operating procedure. Foreign bank moves all my money, without my consent, to an American bank—and in doing so, identifies America as having one state—and notifies me by email.

With this, you can easily receive the funds without any more hindrance or delays.

To be honest, it WAS becoming a hindrance to have to travel all the way to Africa to use their ATMs so I could withdraw $20 to buy a soft pretzel. It’s a wonder I put my money there in the first place. Oh well, it all worked out in the end regardless.

The government here is having some defaults in their management and they are not granting a direct transfer from here because the fund is high and the amount is ($5,000.000.00)Five Million US Dollars. So we decide to forward this down to the United State - America First Credit Union for an easy payment to you.

Read: The government here is cray and won’t let us transfer the money, so we transferred the money.

OK.

Try and contact the bank now so they could complete this payment to you without any delay.

I was led to believe earlier that this transaction was complete and wouldn’t require any action on my part. It’s like, how involved am I supposed to be in the life of this $5 million? I’m not its dad. This sucks.

Please do comply with them so your lost hope could be restored back once more and everyone will have rest of mind about this your transfer.

I have lost hope? I feel like maybe there’s something you’re not telling me. Does my money have lupus? Either way it's comforting to know that all ya'll there are losing more sleep than me over this $5 mill. Good lookin' out, yo. (pounds chest twice, kisses fingers and waves kiss toward Africa)

Please make sure you identify this code to them (UN-26D4) that is the transaction code number we have given to them for you regarding the funds. So take note they will ask this code from you.

The code makes it official. Who will ask for the code? I hope it’s not a ridonk name because, up until I received this official code, I had my reservations about the legitimacy of this email. I’m not giving my code to some wack job.

Contact Person is. Mr. KOLOKI LUKE

Whew. OK, cool. Imma holla at KOLOKI in a hot minute. Just tryin’ to finish this pretzel.