So, Do You Like ... Stuff?

I DID IT I FOUND THE BEST TEASER LINK CONSUMERS’ INSATIABLE APPETITE FOR PHIL COLLINS CONTENT MANIFESTS ITSELF YET AGAIN IF MY REPUTABLE AND COMMENDABLE HISTORY OF RESEARCHING TEASER LINKS DIDN’T INFORM ME THAT THE “YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE NOW” IS IMPLIED, I WOULD BE CALLING THE POLICE ON THIS AD “PROBABLY?” TAKE A STAND DAMMIT I EXPECTED MORE FROM LOCKSMITH OF HEARTS PHIL SEEMS AS SURPRISED AS THE REST OF US THAT HE CREATED CIVILIZATION'S MOST PRETTY WOMAN IT'S GRAMMATICALLY CHIC NOW TO ADD AN APOSTROPHE+S TO SHOW POSSESSIVE FOR A NAME ENDING IN "S," ALTHOUGH CONSIDERING "MOST PRETTY" AND THE MULTIPLE MISSING WORDS, I DOUBT THAT WAS INTENTIONAL THAT SAID, THE PERIOD IS MY FAVORITE PART MY OTHER FAVORITE PART IS EVERYTHING CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE INVOLVED HERE

PEST JOKE OF THE WEEK THANK YOU BILL YOU DON'T OWN A PEST CONTROL BUSINESS DO YOU EITHER WAY THIS IS GOOD AND RELATABLE CONTENT GRAMMAR JOKE OF THE WEEK WHY ARE "A'S" AND "BEE'S" POSSESSIVE BECAUSE BILL IS A WEIRDO #GRAMMARJOKEOFTHEWEEK (PLEASE BUY MY GRAMMAR SOFTWARE, LINKED IN THE COMMENTS) WHAT ARE HEAT INDICES "I DON'T KNOW WHAT WEATHER IS OR HOW TO REACT TO IT SO THANK GOODNESS FOR THE GARAGE SALE SITE NEXTDOOR.COM" - A PERSON? THANK YOU PUBLIC INFORMATION OFFICER LAURA FOR PUBLIC INFORMATION THAT IS FILLED WITH ERRORS AND ALSO MISLEADING AND THANK YOU LUANNE FOR CALLING OUT THIS PSA WITH A BROKEN ATTACHMENT ALL OF THIS IS GOOD AND WORTH EVERYONE'S TIME I COME TO NEXTDOOR FOR TWO REASONS, TO BUY ADULT DIAPERS AND TO FIGHT CRIME, AND RIGHT NOW I'M GOOD ON ADULT DIAPERS THANK YOU JOE, YOU REALLY GOT 'EM (*THE* JAIL) WHAT I MEAN YES I'M SURE THESE CREDIT CARD TH...

I found some very helpful rules for life on Facebook recently in the form of a meme video that has snowflakes falling for some reason and which features a sketch drawing of your everyday white man-- let's call him Steve-- who clearly endorses and lives by these rules. Let's check them out, shall we? Solid advice. This first rule really sets the tone that these rules for life will be angry and bitter and not at all helpful in any discernible way. (Shout out to Beautifulquotes.co for all of the beauty you are about to read. You should totally check out the site  which is, uh ... something.) You better come out of the womb MEETING QUOTAS or no one will affirm your good temperament and smooth skin. BACK IN MY DAY I didn't feel good about myself until NEVER as evidenced by the fact that I am 64 and still feel the need to elevate myself above subsequent generations based on sweeping, false generalizations. CAR PHONE lol. I have so many questions about this rule...

We purchased a snorkel for our daughter to use in the pool (for her upcoming birthday, so SHHHHH!). Here are the instructions that my wife discovered in the packaging (MUCH to her delight): “Yes hello, snorkel customer service? Yeah, I just had a couple questions about the sn-” “It will be a little fog.” “OK uh, that wasn’t really why I was calling, but yes, the fogging is kinda heavy.” “Are you wearing the mask properly?” “It goes on your butt, right? J/k, but I mean, your previous statement suggested that the fog is an issue with the mask, not a user error.” “What is the temperature of the water? Is it at least 18 kilopascals?” “What” “Are you a competent swimmer?” “Well, I figured I'd learn how to snorkel first , then swim.” “Doesn't matter. Don’t snorkel alone, always have a companion.” “It’s funny you say that, because my wife and I have a framed photo above our bed with that exact quote.” “Are you trying to snorkel ...