Spam email of the week

Subject: I am the one

Cool. I've been looking for you?

Hello there How are you doing?

I am doing great, thanks for asking! I can already tell you are "the one" by your friendly opening greeting. The prophetic scrolls of Babylon say of The One that we "shall recognize him by his kindness and random capitalization."

I enjoy most of your user profile.

I'm sorry ... most? What part of my user profile DON'T you like? Honestly I haven't updated that thing in years - there's a good chance I put something on there that I thought was funny and witty at the time, and am now embarrassed by. Actually I just checked and my Google+ (LOL) profile pic is me making a duck face while ironically wearing a Sugar Ray trucker hat, and one of my hobbies is "keeping it real." Yikes. I will edit my user profile to your liking, and then let's reassess our relationship.

Are you interested to see my own personal photos?

Ummm, sure, I guess? I hadn't really thought about seeing your personal photos, but yeah, okay. Please send me a photo where you are riding a roller coaster and the camera catches your reaction just as the coaster descends, ha, ha! I love those. You probably look so scared and vulnerable. Also one where you are naked except for snow boots and you're licking grape jelly off a bathroom floor.

E-mail me at ponikaroyv@pisem.net and i'll respond back with my private photos.

I just realized my Blogger user profile pic is me from Little League, so maybe you are a pedophile?

Nah, I trust you, you seem cool and normal. The way you seamlessly transitioned from a backhanded and unfounded compliment to an invitation to view your pornography has put me at ease. Here goes:

Dear ponikaroyv,

It's me, from the email. Please send me your private (sexy) pics, thanks. Actually, hold on ... I'm getting another email ...

Subject: Greetings and Salutations!

Thanks!

Good day How are you currently doing?

I am doing great, currently. Ten minutes ago I was upset because no one was asking me to email them for sexy, private pics, but then I heard from "the one," a.k.a. ponikaroyv, a.k.a. "Naughty" at otofiiho@joyceandjim.co.uk, so things are looking up for me.

I enjoy your page.

Thanks! I know it's kind of silly to write about things like spam emails and baseball cards and colon cleanses, but I'm glad to know people like you enjoy it. I have always loved writing, so your positive feedback gives me great confidence and inspires me to move forward.

Are you wanting to see my own most private pics?

Sure, why not? This must be my lucky day.

E-mail me at ponikaroyv@pisem.net and i am going to respond back with my private pics.

PONIKAROYV! You sly devil ... I was just emailing you, LOL.

*Hat tip to James for the spam ... and the private pics.