A dollar and a dream
Note: This column appears in the 4/5 issue of The Glendale Star and the 4/6 issue of the Peoria Times.
The City of Peoria recently
renegotiated its lease with Arizona Broadway Theatre. ABT had requested a new
lease because they are $150,000 in the hole, and could not afford to pay its
$4,900 monthly rental payment. The City of Peoria was like, “Oh, that stinks
about you being kinda broke. We’d be happy to create a new lease. How about …
one dollar? Will that work for you?” And ABT was like, “Yeah, that should
work.” (These are not direct quotes.)
Upon hearing about the lease, the City of Glendale was like,
“Pfft. We’ve been charging the Los Angeles Dodgers and Chicago White Sox—two of
baseball’s biggest markets—one dollar annually to play at Camelback
Ranch-Glendale since 2009. And we spent over $200 million to build that complex
for them.”
Granted, in lieu of a traditional lease, the Dodgers and
White Sox are responsible for the maintenance and operational costs of the
complex year-round. That agreement is more beneficial to the city in many ways,
and other cities—Kannapolis, N.C., for example—are attempting to follow suit
with their major and minor league teams. This warrants mentioning, but does not
curb my fascination with the $1 lease.
Regarding ABT, however, the argument was successfully made
before council that its presence is crucial to Peoria’s art and culture scene.
And hey, I have nothing against ABT as an institution. I’ve been to a show
there, and it was great, and I think more people should go. But I kind of
thought art was supposed to sustain itself organically. Art can be so
pretentious sometimes, I mistakenly thought it was above a government bailout.
I mean, I would certainly like to have the following
conversation with, say, a car dealer.
Dealer: We built this motor vehicle.
Me: Yes, and I would like to drive it, but not
forever.
Dealer: Okay, we must then negotiate a lease.
Me: Sure. I’ll start the bidding at $1 per year.
Dealer: This is not a bidding process. And that is insane.
Me: BUT—you didn’t let me finish—but, I will be
responsible for the maintenance and operational costs.
Dealer: You are responsible for that anyway.
Me: Oh.
Dealer: How about $320 per month?
Me: I cannot afford that. I am broke. How about
instead of that, one dollar? After all, me driving this car is very important
to your reputation as a car dealership and the culture of driving cars in
general. People see me driving a car and they’re like, “I want one of those,
and I want to live in a city where people drive those things.”
Dealer: Silence.
Me: Plus, if you don’t work with me there’s a good
chance the car could sit vacant, which nobody wants to see.
Dealer: Or, someone who can afford to will lease it.
Me: Staring.
Dealer: Staring.
Me: Staring very hard.
Dealer: Okay, it’s a deal.
And that’s just a car. Last week I paid $9 to return a pair
of shoes I purchased online, so I would be more than happy to pay just a dollar
to maintain a residence or establish a place of business.
As I’m sure would lots of other people. It’s unfortunate
that all local, privately owned businesses don’t enjoy the good fortune of
having their services recognized as crucial to the well-being and reputation of
the city at large. It’s too bad people who fix HVAC units don’t do so
“culturally.” It’s too bad people who make pizza aren’t a professional sports
team.
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