Consumer report: colored bubbles
We recently went to the park as a family and before long,
our daughter wanted to blow bubbles. As a mini-surprise that my wife had
secretly stashed away, she broke out the Crayola Colored Bubbles. In a scenario
of “which spouse made the correct decision?” I am almost always on the
losing end. But the second I saw these bubbles I was like, “This looks like a
terrible idea.” On this rare specific occasion, my instincts actually proved
correct, so I figured I’d record it for historical purposes.
Because it was, in fact, a terrible idea.
Granted, it wasn’t so much a terrible idea on my wife’s
part—she had the best of intentions, and only purchased something that was
available for sale. It is more, I would say, a terrible idea on Crayola’s part.
I don’t want to go overboard here, but Crayola Colored Bubbles is definitely
the worst item on the market available for consumer purchase.
This is how it went. I saw the bottle and said, “This looks
like a terrible idea.” My wife was like, “Whatevs.” She blew a round of orange
bubbles. My daughter was like, “Yippie, bubbles!” She popped one bubble and
orange crap went all over her shirt and shoes. We stopped the bubble-blowing
process immediately. The stains proved permanent. The end.
We decided to look at the bottle. Most of the bottle is
filled with pictures of colored bubbles and images of kids and cartoon kids
having boatloads of fun blowing colored bubbles. The fine print, however,
stated essentially: Do not use these bubbles under any circumstances.
Here are the Preparation and Clean-up Tips from the bottle,
also on the website:
Get Ready!
A little preparation can go a long way to help you enjoy the exciting fun of outdoor messy play.
A little preparation can go a long way to help you enjoy the exciting fun of outdoor messy play.
Get ready to prepare! Readying myself for having fun
responsibly is almost as fun as the fun itself.
Play Outside:
Colored bubbles are for OUTDOOR PLAY ONLY. Grassy and dirt areas away from
houses, patios and decks are best for less mess and cleanup. NEVER use at
formal events like weddings.
That Crayola even has to explicitly specify this seems to
imply that some moron actually used colored bubbles at her wedding and sent
Crayola an official letter of complaint: Dear Crayola, used yer colored
bubblz at my wedding. thought it would be cool … not! wtf? my dress is ruined
and everybody hates me and also now I am divorced. it’s too late for me, but plz don’t let this happen to other brides. thnx,
Misty.
Get Clean! While
they are messy, Outdoor Colored Bubbles are designed to clean up from most
outdoor surfaces. To see how it cleans up, watch the video above.
Other than not having to watch an instructional video on how
to clean up the inevitable mess, I can think of no better way to have fun than
to watch an instructional video on how to clean up the inevitable mess.
Skin: Simply rub
to remove color from skin—it magically disappears! If needed, wash skin with
soap and water to remove any remaining bubble solution.
This product is awesome! It comes right off your skin …
eventually! It’s not like those other products that stain your skin
permanently! Also, please scrub the skin immediately so that the potentially
harmful chemicals used to color the bubbles are not absorbed into the pores.
Here is a commercial that will air in three years: Did you or someone you
love use Crayola Colored Bubbles and are now experiencing dyslexia or shortness
of breath? If so, call Harris, Goldberg, and Johnson. Are we having fun
yet? I am not!
Clothes: Launder
promptly in a washing machine with warm water and detergent. Repeat if needed.
Pre-soaking may help with the removal of heavy color marks. KEEP AWAY FROM fine
clothing like silk, leather and suede any other material that cannot be washed.
The ratio of fun-to-hard work here is unlike anything I have
ever seen, especially considering the actual act of using these bubbles is no
fun at all. And we haven’t even gotten to the “Outdoor surfaces” part of this.
Outdoor Surfaces:
Hose down outdoor surfaces like asphalt and concrete sidewalks and driveways
with water to wash away color. A good soaking rain or a few days of bright
sunshine also helps to remove color. Not recommended for use on concrete less
than 6 months old. KEEP AWAY FROM marble, stone, wood and other porous
surfaces—color may penetrate and stain these surfaces.
Here is the best way to use Crayola Colored Bubbles: Dress
your children in disposable, child-sized bee keeper outfits, let them play with
the bubbles in an open field far away from developed society, and then hope it
rains.
Need more cleanup and stain
removal information?
Yes.
We're here to help! Our Crayola bubble experts are ready to
answers any questions. To see how they clean up, please watch the above video
or contact us at
1-800-CRAYOLA .
1-800-CRAYOLA .
I would like to call this number, just so I can ask, “Aren’t
these just too many sacrifices to make in the interest of bubbles that are
colored instead of clear? My child does not know what day of the week it is, so
I’m pretty sure she is okay living in a world with only clear bubbles.”
Also, if I ever meet someone who is a self-proclaimed
“Crayola bubble expert,” then and only then can I say that I have truly lived.
Comments
Crayola has some amazing products. this is not one of them.
@ Captain Canuck: I feel inspired that I complained about a product that was actually recalled in another country, which I totally did not know. Sort of makes me feel less like a complainer and more like a -- what's the right word here? -- hero. Like a hero for America.
Thanks for the comments!