So, Do You Like ... Stuff?

I would like to talk about Elton John, who is (along with Bernie Taupin) widely considered one of pop music’s premier and most legendary singer-songwriters. Which I am not here to dispute. Elton John is great! I love him. We all love him.  HOWEVER. Within his illustrious canon of music are several lines I have never been able to reconcile. And these aren’t from deep cuts, but two of his most popular and famous songs, including one of my all-time favorites, “Rocket Man.” I think we’ve collectively given him a pass for these lyrics, one he’s undoubtedly earned, but the honeymoon is over after the Uber Eats commercial , and justice must be served right now, right here, on a blog nobody reads. ----------

Is It Me Or Are We Going Too Far? It’s you. More and more I feel like I’m losing touch with the world we live in.  Strong lede. You’ve established yourself as the type of person I would like to listen to. Yes I realize that it’s largely due to my age No, please, you’re being too hard on yourself. I think it’s ABOUT TIME we hear more from the middle-aged, straight white male point of view, especially when it comes to matters of inclusivity. but I always through I was pretty understanding when it came to change and the need to accept it.   “I always through I was pretty understanding” I’m not sure I can say that any longer. Technically you couldn’t say it just now. Within the last few days my beloved Penn State University, which got eight years of my money as a parent of two graduates has as one newspaper called it, “become the latest college to make a move towards wokemania.”  That may be strong but it also may be correct. I’ve never quite been able to understand the

I'M LESS CONFUSED BY THE GIANT AVOCADO THAN I AM THAT A DOCTOR WROTE THIS STORY? DOCTOR 1 : I WAS JUST PUBLISHED IN THE NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF MEDICINE DOCTOR 2 : I RECENTLY WROTE A STORY FOR THE WEBSITE FLORASPRING ABOUT A 71-YEAR-OLD WOMAN GETTING HER DREAM BODY GIANT AVOCADO : /KILLS THEM BOTH/ SHOCKED INTO A HEART ATTACK AT AGE 106 BY THE UNCLAIMED BENEFIT OF A DISCOUNTED ICE CREAM CONE IS HOW I WANT TO GO OUT IMAGINE GETTING ALL DRESSED UP TO GO OUT IN CELEBRATION OF EQUITY RELEASE MYTHS, ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT THOSE MYTHS WERE MYTHS ALL ALONG "IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO RECOVER FROM THIS, BUT THANK YOU LUXURY SUVs FOR BRINGING THIS TO MY ATTENTION BEFORE I MADE A BAD EQUITY RELEASE DECISION" - THIS WOMAN "BY THE WAY THIS PHOTO WON'T BE A CLOSE-UP, WILL IT?" THAT FEELING WHEN YOU'VE FOUND THE PERFECT WAY TO GET UP THE STAIRS

This past weekend we participated in the Tutu Run in Asbury Park to benefit Big Brothers Big Sisters because WE, my family, are the true heroes. It was a short race along the boardwalk, a mile in and then back. Near the turnaround spot there was a man playing his guitar and singing, covering popular rock songs, a bucket in front of him for donations. Ella wanted to give him a few bucks—or, more accurately, she wanted ME to give HER a few bucks that she could in turn give him, a total big salad scenario—but this was difficult to do because we were, ya’ know, in the middle of a race, and my wallet was zipped and tucked between layers of clothes that included a bright pink tutu. After the race, however, as we were driving down Ocean Avenue, my wife had the idea to stop and grab a couple coffees at a place she had spotted along the boardwalk. So we parked, and I ran out to do so. As I reached the boardwalk, lo and behold, there was guitar man about a hundred feet away, still jamming. So I

No one actually likes , I don't think, their cable/internet service provider. Being neutral about it is probably the best case scenario. Even having to endure the annual song and dance-- after your initial promotional period ends and your bill jumps up like $20-- of having to call your provider to get a new promo is tolerable if it works. Just provide the necessary services at a decent price, with good customer service when needed, is all we ask. Being middle aged and having aligned myself with a number of cable/internet providers over the years from around the country, none of which I've particularly liked, I can say with confidence that Optimum is the worst. Not the worst of all providers ; the worst of everything. I don't like to use the word hate, but I hate Optimum. Hate them. HATE. Them. (Hate.) "But Mike, why don't you switch services?" Great question. BECAUSE I CAN'T. Optimum is the only provider in our area. This seems like, and definitely is , a

OVERWEIGHT WHITE WOMEN ON FACEBOOK, UNITE THIS IS A CALL TO ARMS AGAINST PEOPLE LIKE BRENDA WHO ONCE LIED ABOUT GOING TO CURVES WHEN SHE WAS ACTUALLY AT BRUNCH WITH MARSHA I'M SERIOUSLY TRYING TO PROPERLY INTERPRET THE THESIS OF THIS MEME WHICH SEEMS TO BE THIS: BEING OVERWEIGHT IS A CHARACTER FLAW BUT NOT AS BAD AS BEING DISLOYAL  I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE ANYONE WOULD ACCEPT THAT FALSE PREMISE AND ARGUE THAT THIS IS TRUE I STAND CORRECTED MANY PEOPLE HAVE HOPPED ON THE "BETTER TO HAVE A FRIEND WITH TWO CHINS THAN ONE WITH TWO FACES" BANDWAGON RECENTLY BUT LYNN JOHNS HAS ALWAYS BELIEVED THIS LYNN JOHNS, YOUR STREET CRED IS HARD EARNED KOI I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS COMMENT FOR 15 MINUTES AND HERE ARE THE RESULTS OF MY RESEARCH STUDY, PRESENTED IN ORDER OF MOST LIKELY: 2) JILL GANZ HAS OUTED HERSELF ON FACEBOOK AS BEING DISLOYAL, THUS RISKING BOTH HER SOCIAL STATUS AND "TOP FAN" DESIGNATION 1) JILL GANZ LITERALLY HAS TWO FACES, EACH WITH A DOUBLE CHIN SO