Teaser links of the week- SENIOR edition

I'M LESS CONFUSED BY THE GIANT AVOCADO THAN I AM THAT A DOCTOR WROTE THIS STORY?

DOCTOR 1: I WAS JUST PUBLISHED IN THE NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF MEDICINE

DOCTOR 2: I RECENTLY WROTE A STORY FOR THE WEBSITE FLORASPRING ABOUT A 71-YEAR-OLD WOMAN GETTING HER DREAM BODY

GIANT AVOCADO: /KILLS THEM BOTH/

SHOCKED INTO A HEART ATTACK AT AGE 106 BY THE UNCLAIMED BENEFIT OF A DISCOUNTED ICE CREAM CONE IS HOW I WANT TO GO OUT

IMAGINE GETTING ALL DRESSED UP TO GO OUT IN CELEBRATION OF EQUITY RELEASE MYTHS, ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT THOSE MYTHS WERE MYTHS ALL ALONG

"IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO RECOVER FROM THIS, BUT THANK YOU LUXURY SUVs FOR BRINGING THIS TO MY ATTENTION BEFORE I MADE A BAD EQUITY RELEASE DECISION" - THIS WOMAN

"BY THE WAY THIS PHOTO WON'T BE A CLOSE-UP, WILL IT?"

THAT FEELING WHEN YOU'VE FOUND THE PERFECT WAY TO GET UP THE STAIRS