Teaser links of the week

BIG IF TRUE

MAN'S FRIEND: SO HOW WAS PARIS

MAN: PFFFT I DON'T KNOW I MEAN HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEWS

MAN'S FRIEND: (LOGS ON IMMEDIATELY TO EXTRA CRISPY WHICH IS HIS HOMEPAGE FOR NEWS) HOLY SH*T

DO YOU KNOW HOW PHOTOSHOP WORKS

ME: (PHOTOSHOPS GRITTY INTO BACKGROUND OF V-J DAY IN TIMES SQUARE, SUBMITS IT TO DIRECTEXPOSE)

DIRECTEXPOSE: OMG HOW DID WE NEVER NOTICE THIS

ANYWAY WHAT'S NEW WITH PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES

HARD TO BELIEVE A HANDSOME SUPERSTAR NFL QUARTERBACK HAS A BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN MISLED BY MORTGAGE AFTER LIFE BEFORE SO ... SOLD

BUT UNTIL I'M TOLD OTHERWISE I'M GOING TO ASSUME THAT THEY DO *NOT* LIVE IN A GORGEOUS MANSION

TRADING BLVD INTERN: WHAT PHOTO SHOULD WE USE FOR THE BREAKING NDAMUKONG SUH GORGEOUS MANSION STORY? I WAS THINKING ONE WHERE HE'S PLAYING FOOTBALL OR MAYBE ONE WHERE HE'S IN FRONT OF HIS GORGEOUS MANSION

TRADING BLVD CEO: THIS ISN'T SPORTS ILLUSTRATED OR MORTGAGE AFTER LIFE SON, THIS IS GD TRADING BLVD! MY FATHER BUILT THIS COMPANY WITH HIS BARE HANDS BACK WHEN WE LIVED ON TRADING BLVD, AND HE DEDICATED HIS LIFE TO FINDING AND PUBLISHING WEIRD ASS NONSENSE CRAP, AND I WANT A GD PICTURE OF NDAMUKONG SUH WHERE HE'S SHIRTLESS AND THAT INSINUATES A GAME SHOW HOST IS HIS PARTNER

TRADING BLVD INTERN: YESSIR!

ALL OF THIS TALK ABOUT GAME SHOW HOSTS AND MANSIONS HAS ME WONDERING IF ANYONE ELSE LIVES WITH THEIR PARTNER IN A BIG HOUSE ... SAY FOR EXAMPLE OH I DON'T KNOW PAT SAJAK

I WANT TO ASSUME "MANSION" BUT I'LL HAVE TO DO MORE RESEARCH

I HAD NO EXPECTATIONS BUT SURE I'LL TAKE A LO-

IT'S VERY UNCHARACTERISTIC OF ATTORNEY COCKTAIL TO LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THIS, WHAT GIVES

THIS HEADLINE IS MISSING A QUOTATION MARK, I CAN'T TRUST IT

LEAVE IT TO MORTGAGE AFTER LIFE TO FINALLY GET IT RIGHT

ALSO: IMAGINE GRADUATING FROM A SCHOOL THAT ASKED PAT SAJAK TO GIVE A COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS LOL

"AND I SAY TO YOU HERE TODAY, WHEN THEY TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN'T LIVE IN A GORGEOUS HOUSE WITH YOUR PARTNER-- AND TO RECAP MY EARLIER STATEMENTS BY PARTNER I MEAN WIFE IF YOU'RE A DUDE AND HUSBAND IF YOU'RE A GAL, BECAUSE I AM A VERY CONSERVATIVE GAME SHOW HOST-- DON'T BELIEVE THEM. I AM PROOF. I LIVE IN A GORGEOUS HOUSE. LOOK IT UP. THANK YOU."

IMPORTANT UPDATE (11/30/18):