So, Do You Like ... Stuff?

BIG IF TRUE MAN'S FRIEND : SO HOW WAS PARIS MAN : PFFFT I DON'T KNOW I MEAN HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEWS MAN'S FRIEND : ( LOGS ON IMMEDIATELY TO EXTRA CRISPY WHICH IS HIS HOMEPAGE FOR NEWS ) HOLY SH*T DO YOU KNOW HOW PHOTOSHOP WORKS ME : ( PHOTOSHOPS GRITTY INTO BACKGROUND OF V-J DAY IN TIMES SQUARE , SUBMITS IT TO DIRECTEXPOSE ) DIRECTEXPOSE : OMG HOW DID WE NEVER NOTICE THIS ANYWAY WHAT'S NEW WITH PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES HARD TO BELIEVE A HANDSOME SUPERSTAR NFL QUARTERBACK HAS A BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN MISLED BY MORTGAGE AFTER LIFE BEFORE SO ... SOLD BUT UNTIL I'M TOLD OTHERWISE I'M GOING TO ASSUME THAT THEY DO *NOT* LIVE IN A GORGEOUS MANSION TRADING BLVD INTERN : WHAT PHOTO SHOULD WE USE FOR THE BREAKING NDAMUKONG SUH GORGEOUS MANSION STORY? I WAS THINKING ONE WHERE HE'S PLAYING FOOTBALL OR MAYBE ONE WHERE HE'S IN FRONT OF HIS GORGEOUS MANSION TRADING BLVD CEO : THIS ISN'T SPORTS ILLUSTRATED O...

You cannot count on me but ONLY because I do not live in Colorado and also I am not Carol. This mistake is very understandable however because I used to live in Colorado Arizona and my middle name is Carol Timothy. This is indeed very exciting news, Bridget, and you KNOW how much ya' boy (me) loves attending statewide political bus tours but unfortunately the state I live in is not Colorado. Also I am not Carol. Hello Branden. My thirst to spend my Friday night going door-to-door to talk politics with strangers in this current political climate is UNQUENCHABLE but unfortunately I live literally thousands of miles away from the doors on which you're asking me to knock. Also, the neighbors expecting Carol would be quite taken aback when they answer the door and--surprise!--it's me, not Carol. Because I am not Carol. (And not for nothing, Branden, but a smiley/blush face and American flag emoji would have gone a long way toward convincing me to reconsider...