Teaser links of the week

REGISTER YOUR MOPED

COME OUT TO YOUR FAMILY

APPLY FOR A HOME EQUITY LOAN

CHOOSE AN INTERNET BROWSER

TALK TO AN ORTHOPEDIC SURGEON

THIS IS FUN

SURE WHY NOT WHO CARES NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE ANYWAY

CONSPIRACY THEORY: AMY SCHUMER IS NOW MANAGING THE CHAIN-SMOKING BOY'S CAREER AND THEY ARE PRODUCING A SITCOM CALLED "MANNY LOVES GRANNY" WHICH IS A SPINOFF OF MODERN FAMILY BECAUSE YES: CHAIN-SMOKING BOY IS ACTUALLY MANNY

#SKETCHY

"MAKE SURE IT HASN'T CHANGED COLOR BEFORE YOU COOK IT"

"I WAS FARTING THE WHOLE TIME"

"DONALD TRUMP IS PRESIDENT"

"THE CHAIN-SMOKING 2-YEAR-OLD SHOULD PROBABLY NOT BE CHAIN SMOKING"

THIS IS FUN

"WOW I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THOSE POTATO CHIPS THAT ONLY EXIST IN THAT SPECIFIC GEOGRAPHIC LOCATION TO WHICH I HAVE NO INTEREST IN EVER GOING" - ME AFTER READING THIS ARTICLE, WHICH DELIVERED ON WHAT AT FIRST SEEMED TO BE A FAR-FETCHED PROMISE

THESIS: MANY PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ALL THE POTATO CHIPS
SHORT-TERM OBJECTIVE: MAKE SOME PEOPLE AWARE OF OBSCURE POTATO CHIPS
LONG-TERM OBJECTIVE: A MORE FUNCTIONAL SOCIETY THROUGH WIDESPREAD POTATO CHIP AWARENESS
PROJECT SUMMARY: EVERYONE LOVES POTATO CHIPS. BUT NOT EVERYBODY LIVES EVERYWHERE. WITH A RESEARCH GRANT OF $125,000 BON APPETIT SEEKS TO BRIDGE THE ALARMING POTATO CHIP CONSCIOUSNESS GAP IN AMERICA. IT ALL STARTED WITH THE IRISH ...

THIS IS AS CLEVER A HAMSTER(?)-WITH-A-MAGNIFYING-GLASS RIDDLE AS YOU'RE GOING TO FIND ON THE INTERNET BUT HERE GOES NOTHING:

THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS ONES

FEELS LIKE THIS IS POISED TO BE EQUAL PARTS OFFENSIVE AND INACCURATE

BUT HEY WHO DESERVES IT MORE THAN THE AMISH, THOSE ANIMALS OF SIMPLICITY AND TEMERITY WHO BASICALLY WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE

I SPENT THE DAY ON THE COUCH EATING REGIONAL POTATO CHIPS AND WATCHING UNCOMFORTABLE AGE GAPS ON TV AND I HAD TO CALL OUT OF WORK THE NEXT DAY WITH DEAD BUTT

IT WENT IN MY FILE AND EVERYTHING

I REGRET NOTHING

EXCEPT THE DEAD BUTT, WHICH WAS ALMOST AS PAINFUL AS MY HEAVY LEGS ('07) AND FATIGUED BALLS (CURRENT)

ANYWAY GOOD NIGHT