Spam email of the week

Subject: Re: SUSPECT_SPAM_SA1-SMTP PLEASE READ MY MESSAGE IT IS VERY IMPORTANT

This subject header seems to contain conflicting information, but I will err on the side of caution and trust it completely.

PLEASE TAKE TIME TO READ EVERYTHING IN THIS MESSAGE, THANK YOU.

OK. I owe you at least that much.

I believe this message will come to you as a surprise because we have never met before. My Name is Sergeant Andrea James Zaugg. I am from Victor-ville California, United States of America. 

I’m surprised we’ve never met, Army sergeant who needs to point out that California is in the United States but is unaware his hometown is not hyphenated.

I found your Email contact in an address journal online.

And here we are. Destiny, thy name is Zaugg.

I work with the U.S Army, but currently on a peace keeping mission here in Kabul Afghanistan.

Those things are not mutually exclusive, but OK.

The information i am about to disclose to you will be of great benefit to both of us if you will accept my request to receive the cash sum of Four Million Five Hundred (4.5) Euros and Raw Gold worth over One (1) Million Euros which is currently with me here in the Kabul War Zone.

Fine, I will take the $4 million and all the raw gold. It seems like your peace-keeping mission is going well if it’s resulted in you guarding all the gold in the war zone.

Before i proceed further, i have to tell you more about my stay here and the source of the Money and Gold. I was posted here 8 Months ago and i have been working at the Military monitoring unit base since my stay here in Kabul Afghanistan. We are in charge of bombs, missiles, Air craft and Guns.

Who is in charge of weapons capitalization?

As a matter of fact, I am using the U.S military device for monitoring the Aircraft, Missiles,  Bomb track and radio activities to chat with you. I am doing this secretly because We are not allowed to use cell phones, computer and laptops.

Wow, who ever thought I’d be secretly communicating with an army sergeant in Kabul from a bomb-tracking device? And I’m a plain ol’ civilian! I feel like I’m in an episode of NCIS: Army: CSI: Kabul: 24.

I am widowed with one son who is currently in the Army War College

!!!

Hmmm, I’ve never heard of Army War College. Maybe it’s online.

and I lost contact with him the last terrorist attack here at the U.S Military Base camp.

Seems like the peace-keeping mission is going well.

My wife died of breast cancer five years ago, and since then i have been single.

No disrespect, fake military sergeant, but you could have stopped at “ago.”

I wish to disclose a very important information to you about my stay here in Kabul, and your assistance in this matter will be highly appreciated. I need your assistance in this matter because i do not have anyone to help me out at this point, no father, no mother, no brothers and sisters. I lost my parents in an auto crash while i was still 18 years of age, and i am the only child of my parents. I once had an uncle who was very good to me, but he is late now.

You uncle: Dammit, I was supposed to be in Kabul to meet Andrea James an hour ago! (looks at watch) I just need a quick bite … (looks at toaster, which is smoking) … geez, not again! (trips over dog, spills coffee) Geez!

SOURCE OF MONEY AND GOLD: My stay here has been deadly and on the other hand profitable to me.

I feel like I am in an episode of Profitable, But DEADLY.

"During my stay here I died, but on the other hand I've made a lot of money."

Few Months back, I and my team mates were assigned to monitor Oil project here in Kabul Afghanistan which has really increased me financially.  As a matter of fact, after monitoring the last oil project last week, we were compensated with a total sum of One Million Euros (1M) each for protecting the company from terrorist attacks while the projects were going on.

President Obama: Gentlemen. We appreciate your efforts in monitoring the Oil Project, and therefore we want to increase you financially. Here is a one-million-euros each bonus for doing your job. I took it from the defense budg-

Treasurer: (whispers into President’s ear)

President Obama: OK so let’s do this instead: If you find any gold, just keep it.

We also recovered parcels of gold worth Billions of Euros when we invaded some terrorists camps

Seems like the peace-keeping mission is going well.

here last months after which we were also compensated with gold worth over One Million Euros each for a job well done. In other to make more money here,

I am very sympathetic to your cause of killing and pillaging in the effort of making even more money than millions of dollars and I want to know how I can help.

i had to invest the One Million Euros in an Oil business because i will be punished by the military authorities if caught with such a huge amount of Money here in the Military Base Camp. Ever since i started the secrete oil deal here

You are involved in so many oil deals you are literally secreting oil? Dang, son.

i have made a total sum of Four million five hundred thousand Euros here. For security reasons, i saved my cash and gold in a military security Boxes without the consent of our coordinators here. I decided not to disclose this to them because if i do, the package will be confiscated by our top officials, and i can’t let them have my hard earned money and Gold.

You and I might differ on what “hard-earned” means, but I nevertheless understand your plight.

All my team mates involved in this deal have delivered their own share of the gold and cash to either their wives or family members and close friends, but mine is still here with me because i do not have anyone to help me receive my package. Right now I need some I can trust, I mean someone who will never think of betraying me who I can deliver the Two Security Boxes containing my 4.5 million Euros and Raw Gold worth One Million Euros.

You can totally trust me never to betray you, person who got my email from an online address journal.

It is a punishable offense to keep cash with you here in the Camp because we are not allowed to keep cash with us for security reasons.  In order to maintain good behavior, the military authority decided that our salary and allowances will be sent to our different accounts with Bank of America

Don’t even get me started. I’m out.