Spam email of the week

Subject: rare earth new materials supplier

All of my earth materials are common and old. This email piques my interest.

Dear Sir/Madam,

One of the common earth materials I own is a penis, for the record.

Glad to learn you are on the markert of rare earth new materials,

Boy, word spreads fast. You tell one person at an earth party that you’re on the markert—you said “on” and slurred market because you were drunk on peach schnapps—for rare new materials, and next thing you know, you’re getting emails.

We are a leading supplier of the new naterials in China.

Has China heard of the new material called spell check? J/k, what are your main products?

main products:

1.rare earth salts and oxides

Been looking for those.

2.rare earth polishing powder

Can’t find that on Amazon, amirite? I’ll take a dozen. ‘BOUT TO POLISH THE EARTH, SON.

3.rare earth catalyst

You don’t think you need a rare earth catalyst until you have a rare earth catalyst. Is a thing I am going to say when I get one. Cop it.

4.rare earth phosphor

Pass. My uncle works for the company I currently get my rare earth phosphor from, so using another supplier would make for an awkward Thanksgiving.

5.rare earth thermal stabilizers

The last thing you want is to be using the same thermal stabilizer as everyone else. I was using the Yukon 4500G until I saw on “Extra” that Carson Daly uses the same one, so I just threw mine out. Ate the cost. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, you had me at rare earth thermal stabilizer.

please contact with me if you are interested in our products,

“If?” Oh I will contact with you. But your name escapes me … (checks to see who email is from)

From: W

I will contact with you, W.

Best Regards,

Tina

When it comes to nicknames for “Tina,” you sure do boast a rare earth material, W.