Spam email of the week

Subject: Katie Anderson | Custom  Tote Bags

I wonder what this is about.

Custom Tote Bags

Prolly custom tote bags?

My name is Katie Anderson and I hope your day is going as stress free as possible

My only stress is a glaring lack of custom tote bags.

and
I would like to show our new custom imprinted tote bags to the person who handles the marketing.

That would be me. I handle all the marketing for custom tote bags at this newspaper.

If you would like to see samples please fill out our Sample Bag Request Form

CAN’T TALK NOW BOSS, FILLING OUT A THREE-PAGE FORM TO RECEIVE FREE SAMPLE TOTE BAGS. BY THE WAY WHAT IS YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER?

I’m excited about these custom tote bags because I’ve always heard that a big tote means fewer trips. Eh, probably just an urban legend.

That is the biggest tote I have ever seen.

Features a 23” long handle straps cross stitched for reinforcement, an 10” W gusset

and a supportive hard fabric wrapped plastic bottom insert for extra reinforcement.

Honestly, this is all pretty standard, but what separates this tote from most is the size of its W gusset.

Perfect protection for our environment.

This humongous tote bag is going to stop global warming. (But only if you order at least 250 of them.)

Please check which products you would like more information on
(    )Promotional Pens catalog
(    )Promotional Sticky Note Pads
(    )Promotional Coffee Mugs catalog
(    )Promotional Coolers catalog
(    )Low Cost-Minimum Order Promotional Products
(    )Business Gifts (Padfolios, Portfolios, Computer Bags, etc.)
(    )Trade Show Giveaway Items
(    )Healthcare Promotional Products
(    )Water bottles
(    ) Are you interested in becoming a reseller

Also protecting our environment is an entire catalog for promotional coolers (?) and all the other kinds of garbage you receive at things like trade shows. DID YOU KNOW: If you are at a trade show and someone hands you something called a padfolio, you are legally allowed to hit that person over the head with the padfolio until the police arrive and the trade show is shut down.

Point is, Katie Anderson and her big totes are going to SAVE US ALL. Let us thank her by ordering an absurd amount of totes so we can buy more vegetables we will never eat.