Spam email of the week

Subject: Can I Please Pay You?

Yes.

I am offering an ad with unlimited earning potential.

Well HELLO to you, too. Sheesh. No manners. Back in my day spam emails always began with a pleasant greeting before getting down to business. Spam emails these days ... they don't even ask how my penis is doing anymore. Anyway, I'm in. Where do I sign?

This ad has the ability to earn more money than any of your flat rate ads.

I have a question: Who is placing this ad, you or me? How much money are my flat rate ads earning and how do you know that? What is a flat rate ad? Whodunnit? Is this about that thing?

Our advertising offer:

1.       We pay you monthly.

Again, I am not sure what is happening, but I accept.

2.       We provide you with a unique coupon code.

How unique? I want my coupon code to be this:

MOIST *765

3.       We pay you 15% of every transaction that uses your unique coupon code in our online shopping cart.

I still honestly don't know if you are trying to sell me something or aggressively informing me that we are already in business together.

6.       People will be encouraged to use your  unique coupon code, because it permits a 45% shopping cart discount off of the advertised retail prices.

People love coupon codes. People are sheep. HOW DO I GROUPON THIS COUPON CODE IN THE PROMO CODE SECTION? Ha, look at how dumb you sound, sheeple.

7.       You receive $2.47 for every 6 oz jar sold (with your coupon code).

Oh cool I am/you are selling jars? Is there anything in the jars? I like jars with stuff better than empty jars, but hey, you're the boss. Maybe we can put jelly beans in the jars and make people gues-- (gunshot grazes top of head)

We are Dirty Organics and we sell organic coconut oil.

"We are Dirty Organics and we sell organic coconut oil" is the most definitive statement about anything I have ever heard. Also, Dirty Organics is a great name for a company that sells products to be ingested. "Oh, you're dirty? I want to eat whatever you are selling," is what many people are saying all the time.

Our website has approximately 200 articles in our “Product Tips” section, covering a wide range of subjects including: health, love, cooking, massage, skin and hair.

We are Dirty Organics and we sell organic coconut oil. What else would you like to know about love and massages? Our advice is to rub organic coconut oil on the person you'd like to procreate with, and then use more organic coconut oil to cook them sauteed green beans. Also don't forget about health. Please use your dumbass coupon code to earn 45 percent off our dirty jars, thnx, k bye.