So, Do You Like ... Stuff?

ME, EARLIER : I WONDER WHAT BABY NAMES ROCKED THE 1950s ME, NOW : NICE THINGS THAT ROCKED THE 1950s: MUSIC, THE COLD WAR, BABY NAMES KNOW YOUR HISTORY, FAM OH THAT'S GOOD THAT WAS DEF WORTH A STUDY "WEARING A PURPLE SHIRT WON'T GIVE YOU AIDS, STUDY SAYS" - FOX NEWS EWWW LEBRON JAMES IS AN NBA ALPHA DOG? TOUGH SELL I WON'T CLICK ON LINKS THAT ARE CONTRARIAN FOR CONTRARIAN'S SAKE LISTEN I LOGGED ON TO THE INTERNET TODAY FOR TWO REASONS: -FIND OUT IF THIS "LEBRON JAMES" GUY IS AN ALPHA DOG -SEE IF I SHOULD I VISIT MY GYNECOLOGIST DURING MY PERIOD AND I'M ALL OUT OF LEBRON JAMES QUESTIONS OH NO NOT AGAIN

Hello everyone. As you might have guessed, if you’ve given it any thought at all, which you definitely haven’t, the spam emails I post for this SEOTW feature are not always sent to me directly; they are often forwarded to me from friendly, astute readers of this blog. One of those readers, troy, is a sender of such spam emails, as well as a frequent commenter, and, dare I say, a friend? Basically, troy is one of the few people who actually reads this blog consistently, for some reason. (HI TROY!) He forwarded me the below spam email, and we had a back-and-forth exchange. I thought it best, and easiest, because I am lazy and also we used up all the jokes, for the exchange itself to serve as the iteration of this SEOTW. --- From:   Financial Help <" info.4@arianhacker.com >?>"> Sent:   Wednesday, February 15, 2017 12:55 PM To:  [troy] Subject:   Genidnewwalikabali, do you have cash needs that require up to $2,500? ...

CAN’T TALK NOW, NEED TO FIND OUT WHAT MOVIE MOST AROUSED MY NEWBORN BABY GENITALS FINALLY I CAN SELECT THE PERFECT POST-TRAVEL OMELET FOR YEARS I'VE BEEN ORDERING A WESTERN OMELET AFTER OUR ANNUAL WEEK-LONG STAY AT LAKE TAHOE WASN'T CUTTING IT I WOULD OFTEN HAVE TO CALL OUT AN EXTRA DAY OF WORK DUE TO TRAVEL *AND* OMELET FATIGUE BUT NO MORE "YES I WOULD LIKE YOUR FINEST CHICKEN OMELET LIGHTLY WARMED WITH A MINI HAIR DRYER" "PREPARE TO RESET, BODY" WOW I DID NOT REALIZE THAT I MEAN NO SHIT YOU BIG GALOOF YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED AN OMELET IF I WERE EDITOR OF PEOPLE, FOR MY OWN AMUSEMENT, I WOULD HAVE REMOVED "AFTER LATEST FLYING INCIDENT" FROM THIS HEADLINE THAT SAID, I CAN'T BELIEVE HARRISON FORD HAS THE BALLS TO BE OUT IN PUBLIC USING AND PURSUING VARIOUS MODES OF TRANSPORTATION HE SHOULD BE HOME REPENTING FOR GETTING IN A PLANE CRASH AND VOWING NEVER TO FLY AGAIN AS SOMEONE WHO IS FULLY INVESTED IN HA...

HEART TOUCHING FUN DON’T THINK I WOULD HAVE CONNECTED TO THIS MEME IF IT WERE JUST ANY OL’ ANGRY LIZARD BUT THIS HIP LIZARD WITH THE SIDEWAYS BASEBALL CAP AND CIGARETTE REALLY DRIVE THE POINT HOME THE POINT IS GO TO HELL GRAMMAR RULE: WHEN TELLING SOMEONE TO GO TO HELL, USE ELLIPSES IN DESCENDING ORDER BY DOTS ME : YES HI SO I DON’T LIKE SOMEONE AND I WANT TO BUY A MAP WITH HELL ON IT SO I CAN GO THERE CASHIER : UH WE HAVE MAPS BUT NO HELL MAPS ME : WHAT THE HELL CASHIER : I’M NOT ONE TO GET ALL UP IN PERSONAL BUSINESS BUT WOULDN’T IT BE BETTER TO RESOLVE YOUR DIFFERENCES WITH THIS PERSON RATHER THAN VOLUNTARILY SUBJECT YOURSELF TO ETERNAL DAMNATION ME : WELL IT’S NOT SO MUCH A PERSON AS IT IS A VERY ANGRY BUT HIP LIZARD CASHIER : ….. …. … WHAT DO THE PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY THANK YOU SHELL ROUNDTREE YOU ALWAYS COME CORRECT WITH THE EMOJIS PRETTY SURE THAT’S IMPLIED BUT THANK YOU YOU ARE GOOD AT ADDING TO MEMES WITH ...

IS THIS AN ARBITRARY NUMBER OR IS IT JOE DIMAGGIO'S BIRTHDAY ALSO ARE YOU SAYING LIFE COACHES WON'T TELL ME THESE SECRETS FOR FREE, LIKE I DON'T HAVE TO PAY THEM TO NOT TELL ME ONE TIME I PAID A LIFE COACH $500 TO NOT TELL ME 56 SECRETS AND I FELT LIKE I GOT RIPPED OFF OR ARE YOU SAYING LIFE COACHES WON'T TELL ME THE SECRETS UNLESS I PAY THEM BUT YOU WILL TELL ME THE SECRETS FOR FREE EITHER WAY I AM NOT BITING IF ONLY BECAUSE YOU ARE NORMALIZING LIFE COACHES OK FINE I WILL CLICK WHAT HOLD UP I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CONSUMING FOOD EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE? ME : DOC PLEASE HELP, I AM EATING LITERALLY ALL THE TIME AND I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS GOOD OR BAD, WHAT DO THE NEW GUIDELINES SAY DOC : (FLIPPING THROUGH NEW GUIDELINES) UHH TAKE SOME CARE ME : WHAT DOC : IT SAYS TAKE SOME CARE ME : ARE YOU SAYING I SHOULD STOP DOC : YOU SHOULD TAKE SOME CARE ME : WHAT KIND OF CARE DOC : FOOD CARE? I DON'T KNOW, JUST TAKE SOME OKAY ...

MORE LIKE *ALL* OF THE PROBLEM WHAT A SIMPLER TIME, WHEN SNAPPIN’ GREEN BEANS WITH GRAM-GRAM MADE ALL THE WORLD’S PROBLEMS MELT AWAY IF KIDS THESE DAYS SPENT MORE TIME SNAPPIN’ GREEN BEANS THAN SNAPPIN’ NECKS ON MORTAL KOMBAT WE WOULDN’T HAVE AIDS “GRANDMA MY FRIEND BILLY SAYS RACISM IS BAD” (SNAPS GREEN BEAN) “HMMM, BILLY YOU SAY? DARK-SKINNED FELLA WHO LIVES DOWN BY OL’ MAN SCOOTER’S INN?” (SNAPS GREEN BEAN) “YEAH GRANDMA. I MEAN, HE’S NICE AND ALL BUT HE’S ALSO KIND OF ANGRY ABOUT STUFF, LIKE WHEN WE PLAY THE GAME ‘IGNORE BILLY AND WHISPER ABOUT HOW HE’S DIFFERENT” (SNAPS GREEN BEAN) “WELL IT’S LIKE MY GRANDMA USED TO SAY TO ME WHEN WE WUZ SNAPPING THESE HERE GREEN BEANS AFTER THAT EYE-TALIAN FAMILY HAD JUST MOVED TO THE BLOCK– WHEN THE PIGEON FLIES DUE SOUTHWEST, YOU CAN EITHER WONDER WHERE HE GOIN’ OR GET TO MAKIN’ THE POT PIE” (SNAPS GREEN BEAN) “OK YEAH I GUESS, I JUST … WHAT” (SNAPS GREEN BEAN) “YOU’LL UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU’RE OLDER AND HAVE A ...

My name is Mrs Sharon Sim . Hi, Mrs. Sharon Sim. I live in Singapore and i am a happy woman today? Are you asking me ? Sure, you seem happy. But I suppose it ultimately depends on how you define hap- and i told my self that any lender that rescue my family from our poor situation, i will refer any person that is looking for loan to him, “I told myself a long time ago—if I can find a person to rescue me and my family from poverty by loaning me hundreds of thousands of dollars, I will refer all of my friends to that person. It’s the least I could do, and will in fact be the only thing I do because I have no means to pay back hundreds of thousands of dollars at a 73% interest rate. Neither do my friends, but this is all semantics. The point is that I have thought about this.” – Mrs. Sharon Sim  he gave me happiness to me and my family, i was in need of a loan of S$250,000.00 to start my life all over as i am a single mother with 3 kids I met this honest and GOD...