So, Do You Like ... Stuff?

There is a lady at my work who is not very good at email. That seems like a weird thing to say since email is not a thing that a requires a certain skill set. But she is really not good at it. She is not very computer savvy in general, and is not all too concerned about adapting. For her, the fax machine was the last frontier of modern technology. She faxes everything, and is rather proud that she knows her way around a fax machine. It's good that she knows a lot about the fax machine since she is pretty much the only one who uses it. She also does not understand that you can create "folders" on your computer, and -- only because one time somebody taught her how to save documents -- she saves everything to her desktop. When she is not in the office, you can view her desktop, which is an absolute clusterblonk of crap files. It would completely cover her desktop image if she knew how to upload a desktop image. Also, if somebody emails her information that she needs to relay...

We here at So, Do You Like … Stuff? —when we’re not farting around, and sometimes when we ARE farting around—like to listen to music. We think it’s swell! For that reason and zero others, including BECAUSE YOU CARE, here are our 10 favorite albums of 2012, in descending order so as to add to the drama: Band of Horses, Mirage Rock J/k that album is terrible. Seriously, what happened to those guys? No. 10 : Family of the Year, Loma Vista Can venture into corny and poppy at times, but I like it. No. 9 : Wild Nothing, Nocturne /Diiv, Oshin I don’t like ties but I couldn’t decide. HIPSTER MESH. No. 8 : Two Door Cinema Club, Beacon I’m somewhat averse to describing albums as “fun”—why should music be fun? It should be dark, weird, and introspective—but darn if this album is not. No. 7 :  Father John Misty, Fear Fun No doubt the funniest, most honest, most fantastic album from a complete degenerate this year. I think “Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings” is the...

Subject: Alert! Your email will be blacklisted soon. So guys, it turns out I have been the problem all along. I AM THE SPAM. How did this happen? I have no idea, but let's find out more about my spamness from this email that is totally not spam, but the spam police. Dear  %email%, Dear Spacebar Spacebar PercentageemailPercentageComma is the way this salutation reads in words. The spam police are hilarious. They just get it , ya' know? We received complaints about spam coming from your network. OH SNAP WHO BE SNITCHIN'???????????? Spam bots are sending bulk emails, for the security reasons your email will be blacklisted. Listen, the three spam bots we employ here have been told repeatedly to NOT send bulk emails or they risk termination. As their supervisor I will come to their defense here -- I do not believe these accusations. Turning to spam bots ... But so help me God if you three betray my trust after I put my neck out on the line ... To avoid blacklist...

This month we are reviewing cartoon Christmas television specials for some reason. There are some Christmas specials that do not boast the same notoriety as others, yet remain close to our hearts for personal reasons. “Twas the Night Before Christmas” is mine. I like it because I remember watching it as a kid—that is the only requirement of my positive Christmas nostalgia, that I watched it on television—and whenever I bring it up in conversation, which is more often than I’d like to admit, no one has any idea what I’m talking about. “Twas the Night Before Christmas” is a 1974 animated special based on the famous 1823 poem by whoever wrote that. Because that poem is relatively short and succinct and unable to sustain 22 minutes of high-flying cartoon action, liberties are taken. The poem, for example, doesn’t explore the strong dynamic between a human family and mouse family that so often prefaces Christmas Eve. The special begins with everyone in town receiving their letters to ...

Subject: You’ve just been nominated as a Top Doctor! See that , MOM? Hi Dr. Dahlin, I am not a doctor and that is not my last name. But go on. I’m extremely excited to share that you’ve just been nominated and have an opportunity to win our Top Doctor competition! Cool! I hope I don't have to do something gross during this competition, like touch my eyeball, or perform surgery. Will this competition be on the CW Network or something, so I can focus more on drinking and fighting than doing doctor things? NEXT TIME on "America's Next Top Doctor ..." Host, Mario Lopez : Okay fellow doctors, today is a very important challenge -- Cardiothoracic surgery! Juanita : I KNOW you just didn't say I look fat in my scrubs! Me : I SAID you look UGZZ in your scrubs ... 'cause it rhymes, B!%@#! Throw wine glass across the room. Me : GET HER OFF ME, GET THIS B!%@# OFF ME! I HAVE A PHD IN MEDICALNESS! Mario Lopez : Unfortunately, you are NOT America's ...

This month we are reviewing classic and not-so-classic holiday television specials. Before I even begin here, I just want to express how much I have always appreciated “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” When I was, say, 8 or 9, Hess gas stations began selling the special on VHS—“Buy 10 gallons of Hess gas and get ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’ for only $14.99!” or something; made sense at the time—and I made my mom go to Hess to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime deal. That tape, along with Michael Jordan’s “Come Fly With Me,” remains one of the most precious VHS items I have ever owned. And maybe my wedding video*, I guess. My point is that I recognize “A Charlie Brown Christmas” as classic, a well-deserved designation. But here’s the thing with that special, and this goes for Peanuts in general—it doesn’t really age well. This, to me, is how Charlie Brown cartoons have been absorbed by people of my generation: You love them as kid, defend them to the death, you go away to college...

Subject: Rocket Your Christmas Sales This is clever verbiage. "Rocket" your Christmas sales, like a Christmas rocket. You know, from the timeless tale, "Christmas Rocket," in which a rocket gets lost in space and almost misses Christmas but is safely brought back to Houston when Santa's sleigh also gets lost in space and they work together and learn about teamwork. I made that all up but it actually sounds pretty good and is totally a holiday special I would watch every year. Somebody make that and give me money for it, thnx. Rocket Your Christmas Sales OKAY BUT HOW?? If you want to promote Message Broadcaster this Christmas I do! What is Message Broadcaster? When is Christmas? then a good marketing list is crucial. You're preaching to the choir, junk email. In fact, I asked Santa for a "good marketing list" for Christmas this year, and I am confident that request adequately represents the true meaning of Christmas. He better find a w...

During the month leading up to Christmas, Mike will review popular or not-so-popular holiday specials. This review appears in 12/6 The Glendale Star and the 12/7 Peoria Times. When I was a kid I took out “Garfield Goes Camping” from the library. I suppose the fact that I only rented books based on comic strips sort of defeated the purpose of going to the library, but at least I was reading. Anyway, apparently I loved the book so much that I never returned it, and out of fear of drastic repercussions never returned to the library. Was it worth it? It was worth it. Because Garfield was awesome. An obese, sarcastic cat that loves lasagna? That type of genius comes along only once in a generation, and I consider it an honor and privilege that the accompanying televised cartoon existed during the prime of my childhood.  That popular cartoon was parlayed into a 1987 special, “A Garfield Christmas.” The special begins as all great specials do—with a dream. Garfield is dreaming ...