Friday, September 16, 2016

On a car

A while back, my father-in-law was regaling to us a story about how Uber had failed him. It’s important to note that he only reluctantly agreed to try Uber on his son’s, my brother-in-law Matt’s, recommendation. These types of situations tend to go one of two ways: my father-in-law has success with the recommendation immediately, admits his skepticism was misinformed, and swears by said thing for the rest of his life (see: Apple products, "Homeland," Federal Pizza in Phoenix), OR you may never mention that thing again because it is the worst and it is dead to him (see: everything else).

Anyway, the gist of the story is this: My father-in-law contacted Uber to pick him up somewhere in the city; the Uber driver was having difficulty finding him; my father-in-law ended up getting in a vehicle that, for some reason, he thought was Uber but wasn’t; and he ultimately got charged $50 for canceling the Uber ride he had originally arranged. You might imagine how he feels about Uber.

Actually, you might, literally, imagine how he feels about Uber because throughout this story he kept referring to the company as something else altogether: Hoober or, more accurately, Hubert, with a heavy emphasis on the “H.” During this retelling, Matt initially corrected this pronunciation but—to our amusement—it was willfully ignored and repeated throughout. We privately chalked it up to my father-in-law’s Italian accent. Near the end of the story, as we approached the inevitable climax that proved my father-in-law was not in the wrong (he kind of was), he frantically searched for concrete evidence of such. Thankfully, he found a text proclaiming his innocence:




There is a lot to love about this, not the least of which is the mental imagery of my father-in-law sitting on top of a car named Hubert. It mostly, however, serves to account for the confusion that took place during this incident. Here is Uber looking for my father-in-law, while my father-in-law remains engaged in a frantic search for Hubert. It’s a wonder he made it home at all, much less in a vehicle that, to my knowledge, does not exist.

This could potentially mean that, in my father-in-law’s estimation, there is hope yet for Uber, although it’s highly unlikely. Suffice it to say, Hubert is dead.

If you would like to learn more about my father-in-law -- and why wouldn't you? -- please buy this book. Thank you.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Facebook meme of the week



I HAVE ONE REQUEST AFTER YOU ARE DONE LOLLING AT THIS EXCELLENT MEME

PLEASE DON’T LET THE SPELLING OF THIS MEME DISTRACT YOU FROM THE EQUALLY ADEPT PHOTOSHOP WORK ON THE MINION’S GLOVE AND BOOT

NOW WHO ELSE OUT THERE HAS TRIPPED AND BLAMED IT ON A SAD FLOOR



“BACK IN THE DAY I USED TO TRIP ON THINGS BUT THIS CANDY IS ALL GROWN UP NOW, I HAVE A SMURF AVATAR AND COMMENT ON MINION MEMES WITH EMOJIS”



YES I BELIEVE THAT IS THE SAYING



WHO REMEMBERS DA TIME WEN A-RON TRIPPED OVER DA STEP IN CREATIONS

LIFE IS BUT A COLLAGE OF SUCH PRECIOUS MEMORIES



THE WINNER IS VIRGINIA



HELLO BETSTROM RU WELCOME TO THE PARTY






“NOT GREAT DREW, JUST FELL ON MY FACE AND THEN POSTED WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A HILARIOUS COMMENT BEFORE I READ THE OTHER COMMENTS

ANYWAY HOW ARE YOU”



REMIX



(FLIPS FURIOUSLY THROUGH MY CALENDAR OF TRIPS)

OMG ZOLTON LUKAS I TRIPPED AT CHUCK-E-CHEESE THE SAME TIME ON THE SAME EXACT DAY I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS WHAT ARE THE ODDS



THAT FACE YOU MAKE WHEN YOU TRY TO STRETCH AN ALREADY DUMB SCENARIO BEYOND ITS LIMITS AND A TYPO MAKES YOU COME ACROSS AS AN INCOHERENT CRAZY PERSON



IF I HAD THE PHOTOSHOP SKILLS OF THIS MEME-MAKER I WOULD TAKE A BITE OUT OF HELEN'S HEAD



OMG HERE WE ARE LAUGHING AND NO ONE HAS THOUGHT TO CHECK AND SEE IF THIS MINION IS OK



CHRIS: (TRIPS)

ELSE: LOL HAVE A NICE TRIP SEE YOU NEST FALL

CHRIS: IT’S NEXT FALL ASSHOLE

ELSE: UH WRONG, IT’S NEST FALL BECAUSE FALL IS WHEN THE FAMOUS TRIPPING BIRD BUILDS ITS NEST

CHRIS: YEAH WELL I DIDN’T EVEN TRIP THIS FLOOR NEDDED A HUG

ELSE: IT’S NEEDED ASSHOLE

CHRIS: UH WRONG, IT’S NEDDED BECAUSE … I JUST … OK FINE YOU WIN THIS ROUND, WILL YOU AT LEAST HELP ME UP

ELSE: HA OK SURE, LIKE I ALWAYS SAY YOU ARE ACCIDENT GOING SOMEWHERE TO HAPPEN



IF DEBBIE GAY FALLS IN THE CHICKEN HOUSES BUT NO ONE IS THERE TO SEE IT DID SHE REALLY GIVE THE GROUND A HUG

KIND OF MAKES YA’ THINK