Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Facebook meme of the week



WHEN YOU WISH UPON A MOON

MAKES NO DIFFERENCE WHO YOU ARE

EVEN IF YOU’RE A CHRISTMAS TREE WEARING A SANTA HAT

THIS POEM DOESN’T RHYME FORGET IT

JUST TELL NEXT YEAR WHAT YOU WANT



FROWNY FACE

I FEEL YA’ THOUGH MICA—I WISHED THAT YOU WOULD WRITE “TOO” CORRECTLY AND WELL …



UHHH THIS IS A FACEBOOK COMMENT THREAD NOT A THERAPIST’S COUCH

THIS CHRISTMAS TREE HAS A FACE MAYBE LET'S NOT GET ALL EMOTIONAL HERE



WHAT

IS THIS A WISH FOR YOU OR A PREDICTION FOR ME

ARE YOU A NEW YEAR’S PROPHET

EITHER WAY I TOOK YOUR ADVICE AND MY NEW JOB THAT I JUST STARTED IS THRILLED TO HEAR I’M TAKING A VACATION NEXT WEEK



YOU ARE ESPECIALLY VICTORIOUS IN POSTING COMMENTS AND ALSO ENGLISH

VICTORIOUS VICTORIA



THIS IS WHY COMMENTS WERE INVENTED

A LOT OF COMMENTS DON’T ADD MUCH TO THE MEME BUT THIS ONE IS EXTRAORDINARY

IS IT TOO EARLY TO NAME THIS COMMENT OF THE YEAR

AND IF SO WHICH YEAR

“DO I JUST ‘LIKE’ THIS AMAZING MEME OR POST A COMMENT THAT VOUCHES FOR THIS MEME’S OVERALL MESSAGE? I CHOOSE THE LATTER.” – LINDPAR

ANYWAY I HOPE EVERYONE GETS WHAT THEY WANT FROM THE 2016 FAIRY MOON ELF

I ASKED FOR A SKATEBOARD

Friday, December 18, 2015

Spam email of the week

Subject: mike gordon

Mike Gordon is my friend who forwarded this to me. For the sake of this blog post, let’s suppose I am Mike Gordon. Sorry, Mike.

Hi there.

Hi.

I am new to the site.

What site? Email? Welcome aboard! Better late than never.

I have a busy life with work so I never get to meet any body.

Well you know what they say—it’s impossible to be employed AND forge human connections.

Have you ever met anyone on here before.

Where’s here? Earth? Yes. The Internet? Also yes. I actually met this really cool guy named Mike Ken-

I think you’re cute.

What site are you on again?

Would you like to chat a little.

Sure, why not. Here is my first chat question: Have you ever heard of a question mark?

Would you like to see some pics of me.

Well, since you’ve already somehow seen pics of me, I suppose this makes sense.

You have me feeling kind of naughty



and I’m so lonely.

I was hoping you’d be motivated by a genuine connection, but I suppose taking advantage of your desperate loneliness is just as healthy.

Do you think you can help me.

I’ll try my best. And by best I mean no.

I want to meet you.

OK. My name is Mike Gordon.

We could have amazing sex.

I was thinking coffee but OK.

Don’t believe me.

Again, this has a different meaning without a question mark.

How about I show you some naked pics as proof.

I don’t understand how naked pics are proof that you do amazing sex.

(views pics)

Oh.

Take a look I dare you.

I have accepted your dare and now it’s your turn. Eat a booger LOL this is fun.

My profile is Hyacinth9366. I bet once you see my pics you’ll want to have some fun.

At the risk of spoiling this fairy tale for all of my reader(s) out there, let’s just say her new profile is Hyacincth9366 Gordon. Wow, so this is love …

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Facebook meme of the week



THIS IS NOT EVEN GRUMPY CAT

I WANT MY MONEY BACK

OK FINE FORGET IT THIS IS STILL HILARIOUS

BECAUSE CATS EAT BIRDS

BUT NOT PEARS I GUESS

ALSO BECAUSE CHRISTMAS

WHO ELSE IS LOVING THIS



I THINK THE PEAR TREE STANDS FOR A PEAR TREE

NEVERTHELESS THIS NON-GRUMPY CAT MEME IS AS GOOD A PLACE AS ANY TO EMBARK ON A CONVERSATION ABOUT RELIGIOUS SYMBOLISM IN ART



JANE INMELB’S CAT’S NAME IS TABBY




BUT CONGRATS ON BEING THE WORLD'S BIGGEST SEPTIC



I THINK YOU ARE SPECIAL

A GRUMPY CAT CHRISTMAS PART II, STARRING NOT GRUMPY CAT AS THE CHRISTMAS GROUCHY GRINCH



1.       DOESN’T PROPERLY TAG FRIEND
2.       TYPO ON LOL
3.       REPLIES TO OWN COMMENT WITH CAT EMOJI

THE TRIFECTA OF FACEBOOK COMMENTING HAS BEEN ACHIEVED

"NEVER GET HIGH ON YOUR OWN REPLY." - BIGGIE

"TOO LATE." - CATHY KINDEL



NO IT’S NOT

BUT THAT’S A GREAT LOOKING PROFILE PIC GLAMOUR SHOT



CATNIP IS NOT MENTIONED IN THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

I GUESS THIS VERY SUBTLE REFERENCE WENT OVER YOUR HEAD, VICKI ORLANA J. ELLSWORTH

LOOKS LIKE IT’S (CHECKS WATCH) (REMOVES SUNGLASSES) … EMOJI TIME



ANYWAY, JANE INMELB’S CAT’S NAME IS TABBY

Monday, December 14, 2015

Subway Eat Fresh Calendar of Events

Januany (sub, you can pick the sub)

Five Dollar Foot Longebruary

March On Down Here For a Sub

Aprilotta Meat On Your Sub? Sure We Can Do That It’s a little slimy tho

May We Make You a Sub? Yes

Juneuany (sub, you can pick the sub)

July Down and Eat This Sub Dammit

Augustus Caesar Salad Sub*

Subwayeptember

Octobeatfreshr

No Way Our Subs Are This Goodvember ("they are," somebody can say that, like RG3)

Decemberrr It’s Cold Eat a Sub


*can we do this

Friday, December 11, 2015

Facebook meme of the week



I HEAR YA’ GARFIELD

IT’S LIKE SOME PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID THEY DON’T EVEN REALIZE THAT “PEOPLE” IS A PROPER NOUN

WHY IS SANTA ON THE PHONE BUT GARFIELD IS NOT

DOESN’T MATTER I GUESS, I’M JUST HAPPY GARFIELD GOT HIS WISH

LET’S HEAR IT FROM ALL THE SMART PEOPLE WHO ARE FED UP WITH STUPID PEOPLE



“CAN I GO” IS A QUESTION AND COWBOY BOOTS AREN’T TYPICALLY ASSOCIATED WITH ISLANDS AND ALSO WHAT



THAT MUST BE THE SMART WAY TO WRITE DUMBASSES WHICH MAKES ME THE DOMB-AZS’SS I GUESS

ALSO I THOUGHT DUM-AZZ'Z WEREN'T ALLOWED ON THE ISLAND, MAN I AM LOST HERE



NO ARGUMENTS HERE, MARIE—NO STUPIDITY IS ALL I WONT TO



“RELLY, SHERRY? RELLY?” – SETH MAYERS AND AMI POLLER



I THINK I’M BEING TROLLED



NO DUMB BLONDES ON THE ISLAND—VOTE FOR LOIS IN 2016, PRESIDENT OF NO STUPID ISLAND

GARFIELD CAN BE VP



IS THAT DOTTIE SIGNING OFF FROM CHRIS’ ACCOUNT OR DID CHRIS TRY AND TAG DOTTIE AND FAIL? JUST TO BE SAFE LET’S INVITE THEM BOTH TO NO STUPID ISLAND … 

WHAT DO YOU THINK PRESIDENT LOIS?

LOIS: NOPE. CHRIS IS BLONDE AND I JUST SAW DOTTIE BLOW HER NOSE WITH CASHIER’S TAPE.

OH OK, SORRY LADIES



YOUR OWN ISLAND IS KIND OF A LOT

IT'S LITERALLY THE GO-TO CLICHE FOR ASKING FOR A LOT



WELL THAT IS THE FIRST SMART QUESTION I’VE HEARD ALL DAY

Wednesday, December 09, 2015

Facebook meme of the week



YOUR SON’S WHAT

SERIOUSLY DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING

STAMP COLLECTION?

GF? (NOT! SLUT, AMIRITE #MOMPROBZ)

GAMING SKILLS?

DODGE NEON?

INDIFFERENCE TOWARD HIS FATHER?

MAYBE THIS IS JUST A BLARING TYPO



I LOVE MY SON’S BENO WINBUSH

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID? I DON’T EVEN KNOW



WOW FEELS LIKE I’VE BEEN TRANSPORTED TO GREECE CIRCA 500 BC AND THEY HAVE FACEBOOK

ORIGINAL LOUCAIDES

ALEXANDER AND LEONIDAS BE LIKE “DANG MOM CHILL YOU’RE EMBARRASSING US” AS THEY POST CAT VIDEOS TO YOUTUBE

#WARRIORS



SON’S WHAT

MARTHA, PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS MEME BY RESTATING THE MEME, TYPO AND ALL

MARTHA: OK



CLASSIC ERIC JABBAR RAVENELL NAMEDROP

IT'S LIKE WE GET IT YOU KNOW ERIC JABBAR RAVENELL




SOMEONE CALL 911 WE HAVE A CASE OF KIDNEY STONES CAUSED BY EXTREME SON LOVE

IT’S NOT GOOD

"IT HURTS SO NOT GOOD," THE NEW SINGLE FROM GLENDA WILLIAMS FEAT. THREE SONS DROPS DEC. 10TH, COP IT, SON



OK SO ANOTHER OPTION IS JUST NOT COMMENTING

Friday, December 04, 2015

Cool thing of the week

Everyone, meet Adrian.





Adrian is the “medium of the year.” Since this is not capitalized, I’m left to assume this is NOT an actual award doled out at the annual Medium of the Year convention in Bloomington, IL (for which the winners are all known in advance, obvs, lol, sorry not sorry, j/k), but a self-serving proclamation. Either way, I am sold.



One hundred percent is a LOT of free, and it’s a wonder Adrian can make a living off such an offer. It’s more likely than not that this scarf-wearing, Tom-Brady-ass-looking-mo-fo has a side gig as a male model. I bet all of his modeling clothes are size medium DON’T TOUCH ME I’M ON FIRE RIGHT NOW.



Of these I prefer Mentalist Master, which sounds like the title of a Jeru the Damaja track and/or a job title I literally just added to my resume.



Everything seemed to be going well until the turn there. “My clairvoyance is extremely powerful, and this FRENCH WORDS NEEDLESS SPACE COLON”



This is crazy—I was just thinking about my sentimental situation RIGHT NOW. Am I sentimental enough? Am I receiving enough sentiment from others? Did I cry enough when Bing-Bong died in Inside Out? These questions and more are causing me mad stress, son. If only there was a video I could cop/watch …



If there’s a more smoldering medium in the universe than Adrian, I’ve yet to meet him. Even the planets that give Adrian his powers are like, “Dang, is it hot in here or is that the sun?”




“If you would like to unsubscribe from emails about Adrian the Smoldering Prophet, please contact Georges Heynard in Hong Kong.” Makes sense.

Anyway, this was good ... this was fun.


Wednesday, December 02, 2015

Facebook meme of the week



OMG WHAT IS THIS

THIS SAD-ASS CHICKEN WITH TREMENDOUSLY LARGE FEET ‘BOUT TO RUN AWAY FROM HOME

SAD CHICKEN WAS ALWAYS PLEASING OTHERS

THE GEORGE BAILEY OF CHICKENS

ALL OF YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS TOOK SAD CHICKEN’S SELFLESSNESS FOR GRANTED SO GOOD LUCK GETTING BY WITHOUT SAD CHICKEN’S HELP

SAD CHICKEN TRYIN’ TO TAKE CARE OF SAD CHICKEN, NA MEAN

COZ THAT’S THE DEAL

COZ IS HOW CHICKENS SAY CAUSE - IT’S THE ONLY SLANG THEY KNOW

GIVE THEM A BREAK THEY’RE CHICKENS

WHO OUT THERE CAN RELATE TO SAD CHICKEN



YES WE ALL WANT TO GO PLACE



ALL THESE YEARS DEE HELPED OTHER PEOPLE WEAR DRESSES BUT NOW IT’S HER TURN DAMMIT

ALL THANKS TO INSPIRATIONAL SAD CHICKEN

I SMELL A SEQUEL

SAD CHICKEN LEAVES TOWN PART II: DEE’S NEW DRESS

FIVE LIKES BTW



SAY WORD DIDN’T REALIZE THIS MEME WAS A PSALM VERSE



TO FINALLY GO BACK AND GET MY SECOND-GRADE ENGLISH DEGREE



DAMMIT CARL THIS IS NOT A TIME TO JOKE



SHOUT OUT TO GENO

GETTIN' HIS



STOP HURTING KATHY “BIG HEART” KRUMMEL YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY



CAN’T BELIEVE NO ONE LIKED EZZ EL-DIN ABO KILA’S COMMENT

IT’S ALMOST LIKE YOU GUYS DON’T KNOW GOOD COMEDY WHEN IT PUNCHES YOU IN THE FACE



TAKE THAT DEAPHEAT BEST 4 ARTHRITIS

WHERE AM I PLEASE HELP