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Showing posts from December, 2015

Facebook meme of the week

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WHEN YOU WISH UPON A MOON
MAKES NO DIFFERENCE WHO YOU ARE
EVEN IF YOU’RE A CHRISTMAS TREE WEARING A SANTA HAT
THIS POEM DOESN’T RHYME FORGET IT
JUST TELL NEXT YEAR WHAT YOU WANT


FROWNY FACE
I FEEL YA’ THOUGH MICA—I WISHED THAT YOU WOULD WRITE “TOO” CORRECTLY AND WELL …


UHHH THIS IS A FACEBOOK COMMENT THREAD NOT A THERAPIST’S COUCH
THIS CHRISTMAS TREE HAS A FACE MAYBE LET'S NOT GET ALL EMOTIONAL HERE


WHAT
IS THIS A WISH FOR YOU OR A PREDICTION FOR ME
ARE YOU A NEW YEAR’S PROPHET
EITHER WAY I TOOK YOUR ADVICE AND MY NEW JOB THAT I JUST STARTED IS THRILLED TO HEAR I’M TAKING A VACATION NEXT WEEK


YOU ARE ESPECIALLY VICTORIOUS IN POSTING COMMENTS AND ALSO ENGLISH
VICTORIOUS VICTORIA


THIS IS WHY COMMENTS WERE INVENTED
A LOT OF COMMENTS DON’T ADD MUCH TO THE MEME BUT THIS ONE IS EXTRAORDINARY
IS IT TOO EARLY TO NAME THIS COMMENT OF THE YEAR
AND IF SO WHICH YEAR
“DO I JUST ‘LIKE’ THIS AMAZING MEME OR POST A COMMENT THAT VOUCHES FOR THIS MEME’S OVERALL MESSAGE? I CHOOSE THE LATTER.” – LI…

Spam email of the week

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Subject: mike gordon
Mike Gordon is my friend who forwarded this to me. For the sake of this blog post, let’s suppose I am Mike Gordon. Sorry, Mike.
Hi there.
Hi.
I am new to the site.
What site? Email? Welcome aboard! Better late than never.
I have a busy life with work so I never get to meet any body.
Well you know what they say—it’s impossible to be employed AND forge human connections.
Have you ever met anyone on here before.
Where’s here? Earth? Yes. The Internet? Also yes. I actually met this really cool guy named Mike Ken-
I think you’re cute.
What site are you on again?
Would you like to chat a little.
Sure, why not. Here is my first chat question: Have you ever heard of a question mark?
Would you like to see some pics of me.
Well, since you’ve already somehow seen pics of me, I suppose this makes sense.
You have me feeling kind of naughty


and I’m so lonely.
I was hoping you’d be motivated by a genuine connection, but I suppose taking advantage of your desperate loneliness is just as h…

Facebook meme of the week

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THIS IS NOT EVEN GRUMPY CAT
I WANT MY MONEY BACK
OK FINE FORGET IT THIS IS STILL HILARIOUS
BECAUSE CATS EAT BIRDS
BUT NOT PEARS I GUESS
ALSO BECAUSE CHRISTMAS
WHO ELSE IS LOVING THIS


I THINK THE PEAR TREE STANDS FOR A PEAR TREE
NEVERTHELESS THIS NON-GRUMPY CAT MEME IS AS GOOD A PLACE AS ANY TO EMBARK ON A CONVERSATION ABOUT RELIGIOUS SYMBOLISM IN ART


JANE INMELB’S CAT’S NAME IS TABBY


NO THANK YOU I ALREADY HAVE A PROPHET
BUT CONGRATS ON BEING THE WORLD'S BIGGEST SEPTIC


I THINK YOU ARE SPECIAL
A GRUMPY CAT CHRISTMAS PART II, STARRING NOT GRUMPY CAT AS THE CHRISTMAS GROUCHY GRINCH


1.DOESN’T PROPERLY TAG FRIEND 2.TYPO ON LOL 3.REPLIES TO OWN COMMENT WITH CAT EMOJI
THE TRIFECTA OF FACEBOOK COMMENTING HAS BEEN ACHIEVED
"NEVER GET HIGH ON YOUR OWN REPLY." - BIGGIE
"TOO LATE." - CATHY KINDEL


NO IT’S NOT
BUT THAT’S A GREAT LOOKING PROFILE PIC GLAMOUR SHOT


CATNIP IS NOT MENTIONED IN THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
I GUESS THIS VERY SUBTLE REFERENCE WENT OVER YOUR HEAD, VICKI ORL…

Subway Eat Fresh Calendar of Events

Januany (sub, you can pick the sub)
Five Dollar Foot Longebruary
March On Down Here For a Sub
Aprilotta Meat On Your Sub? Sure We Can Do That It’s a little slimy tho
May We Make You a Sub? Yes
Juneuany (sub, you can pick the sub)
July Down and Eat This Sub Dammit
Augustus Caesar Salad Sub*
Subwayeptember
Octobeatfreshr
No Way Our Subs Are This Goodvember ("they are," somebody can say that, like RG3)
Decemberrr It’s Cold Eat a Sub

*can we do this

Facebook meme of the week

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I HEAR YA’ GARFIELD
IT’S LIKE SOME PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID THEY DON’T EVEN REALIZE THAT “PEOPLE” IS A PROPER NOUN
WHY IS SANTA ON THE PHONE BUT GARFIELD IS NOT
DOESN’T MATTER I GUESS, I’M JUST HAPPY GARFIELD GOT HIS WISH
LET’S HEAR IT FROM ALL THE SMART PEOPLE WHO ARE FED UP WITH STUPID PEOPLE


“CAN I GO” IS A QUESTION AND COWBOY BOOTS AREN’T TYPICALLY ASSOCIATED WITH ISLANDS AND ALSO WHAT


THAT MUST BE THE SMART WAY TO WRITE DUMBASSES WHICH MAKES ME THE DOMB-AZS’SS I GUESS
ALSO I THOUGHT DUM-AZZ'Z WEREN'T ALLOWED ON THE ISLAND, MAN I AM LOST HERE


NO ARGUMENTS HERE, MARIE—NO STUPIDITY IS ALL I WONT TO


“RELLY, SHERRY? RELLY?” – SETH MAYERS AND AMI POLLER


I THINK I’M BEING TROLLED


NO DUMB BLONDES ON THE ISLAND—VOTE FOR LOIS IN 2016, PRESIDENT OF NO STUPID ISLAND
GARFIELD CAN BE VP


IS THAT DOTTIE SIGNING OFF FROM CHRIS’ ACCOUNT OR DID CHRIS TRY AND TAG DOTTIE AND FAIL? JUST TO BE SAFE LET’S INVITE THEM BOTH TO NO STUPID ISLAND … 
WHAT DO YOU THINK PRESIDENT LOIS?
LOIS: NOPE. CHRIS IS …

Facebook meme of the week

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YOUR SON’S WHAT
SERIOUSLY DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING
STAMP COLLECTION?
GF? (NOT! SLUT, AMIRITE #MOMPROBZ)
GAMING SKILLS?
DODGE NEON?
INDIFFERENCE TOWARD HIS FATHER?
MAYBE THIS IS JUST A BLARING TYPO


I LOVE MY SON’S BENO WINBUSH
THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID? I DON’T EVEN KNOW


WOW FEELS LIKE I’VE BEEN TRANSPORTED TO GREECE CIRCA 500 BC AND THEY HAVE FACEBOOK
ORIGINAL LOUCAIDES
ALEXANDER AND LEONIDAS BE LIKE “DANG MOM CHILL YOU’RE EMBARRASSING US” AS THEY POST CAT VIDEOS TO YOUTUBE
#WARRIORS


SON’S WHAT
MARTHA, PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS MEME BY RESTATING THE MEME, TYPO AND ALL
MARTHA: OK


CLASSIC ERIC JABBAR RAVENELL NAMEDROP
IT'S LIKE WE GET IT YOU KNOW ERIC JABBAR RAVENELL




SOMEONE CALL 911 WE HAVE A CASE OF KIDNEY STONES CAUSED BY EXTREME SON LOVE
IT’S NOT GOOD
"IT HURTS SO NOT GOOD," THE NEW SINGLE FROM GLENDA WILLIAMS FEAT. THREE SONS DROPS DEC. 10TH, COP IT, SON


OK SO ANOTHER OPTION IS JUST NOT COMMENTING

Cool thing of the week

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Everyone, meet Adrian.




Adrian is the “medium of the year.” Since this is not capitalized, I’m left to assume this is NOT an actual award doled out at the annual Medium of the Year convention in Bloomington, IL (for which the winners are all known in advance, obvs, lol, sorry not sorry, j/k), but a self-serving proclamation. Either way, I am sold.


One hundred percent is a LOT of free, and it’s a wonder Adrian can make a living off such an offer. It’s more likely than not that this scarf-wearing, Tom-Brady-ass-looking-mo-fo has a side gig as a male model. I bet all of his modeling clothes are size medium DON’T TOUCH ME I’M ON FIRE RIGHT NOW.


Of these I prefer Mentalist Master, which sounds like the title of a Jeru the Damaja track and/or a job title I literally just added to my resume.


Everything seemed to be going well until the turn there. “My clairvoyance is extremely powerful, and this FRENCH WORDS NEEDLESS SPACE COLON”


This is crazy—I was just thinking about my sentimental situat…

Facebook meme of the week

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OMG WHAT IS THIS
THIS SAD-ASS CHICKEN WITH TREMENDOUSLY LARGE FEET ‘BOUT TO RUN AWAY FROM HOME
SAD CHICKEN WAS ALWAYS PLEASING OTHERS
THE GEORGE BAILEY OF CHICKENS
ALL OF YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS TOOK SAD CHICKEN’S SELFLESSNESS FOR GRANTED SO GOOD LUCK GETTING BY WITHOUT SAD CHICKEN’S HELP
SAD CHICKEN TRYIN’ TO TAKE CARE OF SAD CHICKEN, NA MEAN
COZ THAT’S THE DEAL
COZ IS HOW CHICKENS SAY CAUSE - IT’S THE ONLY SLANG THEY KNOW
GIVE THEM A BREAK THEY’RE CHICKENS
WHO OUT THERE CAN RELATE TO SAD CHICKEN


YES WE ALL WANT TO GO PLACE


ALL THESE YEARS DEE HELPED OTHER PEOPLE WEAR DRESSES BUT NOW IT’S HER TURN DAMMIT
ALL THANKS TO INSPIRATIONAL SAD CHICKEN
I SMELL A SEQUEL
SAD CHICKEN LEAVES TOWN PART II: DEE’S NEW DRESS
FIVE LIKES BTW


SAY WORD DIDN’T REALIZE THIS MEME WAS A PSALM VERSE


TO FINALLY GO BACK AND GET MY SECOND-GRADE ENGLISH DEGREE


DAMMIT CARL THIS IS NOT A TIME TO JOKE


SHOUT OUT TO GENO
GETTIN' HIS


STOP HURTING KATHY “BIG HEART” KRUMMEL YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY


CAN’T BELIEVE NO ONE LI…